#i had to cut it short or i'd just keep rambling

[gotaksboyfie]

Hi! I hope you’re doing good.

Could you do a Baku fic where gender neutral reader and him get into a argument because Baku joined the union, and in the end Baku apologizes and it’s an emotional moment, (sorry if it’s too much!)

soft apologies

gif creds: @slytherinshua

pairing baku x gn reader

summary when baku went to the bathroom for a short while, you couldn't help but peek at his phone notifications. you stared in shock at what you found, and can't help but question baku why

word count 1.2k

warnings/tags hurt/comfort

all night, baku's phone was blowing up. you were curious why but you didn't want to be pushy about it, since baku was deadset on ignoring the notifications.

you both sat on your couch cuddled up, watching a random kdrama you found. baku gently nudged you off of him, standing up and stretching.

"gotta go babe, the bathroom calls for me," he walked away, probably needing to shit. you laughed at the thought. baku's phone buzzed again, and this time you were in the perfect position to view what it was.

a scam caller? a toxic ex? the options were endless. you flipped his phone over to see multiple notifications from.. na baekjin?

na baekjin: xxx street. [image attached]

na baekjin: get it back by 7:00pm tomorrow.

na baekjin: [image attached]

na baekjin: this one too. xxx street.

you dropped the phone back on the table in shock. you had heard about the union and na baekjin from juntae's ramblings, but you could've never imagined that baku took part in it too.

"reader? what are you–" baku cut himself off with a gasp. he looked at your shocked expression, and his phone face up on the table.

"you.. you joined the union?" you asked with disgust evident in your voice. you looked at baku, waiting for a response.

baku flinched, staying silent for a moment. you knew what that silence meant. you knew the answer to your question, so why were you still waiting for baku's response?

"you joined the fucking union and you never told me?" your voice was sharp, and your breathing was getting heavier. you couldn't believe it. this wasn't the baku you knew—he would never do this.

"it's not like that," baku forces out. his voice is stilted, as if he's barely gathering his words together.

"then tell me what it's like. because to me, it looks like you just joined forces with the same people that hurt everyone you promised to protect!" your voice gets louder and louder, until you're borderline yelling at him. you stand up from where you were sitting, turning your body to face him fully.

"you don't know anything reader," a familiar fire lights up in his eyes, and he clenches his fist. "you don't get to make all these assumptions when you have no clue what i'm going through."

"assumptions?" you let out an airy laugh, "these aren't assumptions, it's the fucking truth. you're well aware of everything they've done and will continue to do, and you go ahead and do this."

baku grits his teeth, clearly holding back from doing something. "you don't get it. i.. i did it to protect you, and everyone else, okay?" baku admits, swallowing hard.

"protect me? you think this is going to protect me? this paints the biggest target on my back, on juntae's and sieun's and even hyuntak's back! they'll do anything to get you to stay, even if it means crippling someone again," tears form in your eyes, you really couldn't understand baku's reasoning.

"they were going to hurt you regardless, i had no fucking choice!" baku shouts, "if it means i get to control when you're safe, of course i'd join the union!"

"but why would you keep it from me?" your voice is quiet, "this isn't keeping me safe in the slightest, baku."

"i didn't want you to worry, i only wanted to protect you." baku's gaze lands on the floor, suddenly too ashamed to meet your eyes.

"how am i supposed to trust you?" you confess. your voice breaks a little, and suddenly you feel too small for this conversation.

"i didn't.." baku pauses, letting your words sink in fully. "i didn't want to break your trust, not on purpose. i just couldn't find when to tell you,"

"so you were going to hide this from me forever? when were you ever going to tell me, be honest."

baku opens his mouth to speak, but lets out only a sigh in response. a long silence stretches out, and you let out a small sob.

"you were never going to tell me, weren't you?" you already knew the answer but you wanted to get confirmation from baku himself.

baku stays silent again, his face looked like he was holding back from crying. there was a slight tremor in his jaw and his expression isn't angry anymore. it was defeated, like baku had given up on fighting back with you.

you wait for his response. multiple minutes pass, and baku takes in a sharp breath.

"i didn't know how to tell you," his voice cracks, and you can sense the vulnerability in it. "i knew you'd be hurt, and i wanted to delay the inevitable."

"you knew joining the union would cause.. this," you motioned around with your hands, "and you still did it?"

"you don't understand. they were going after everyone i love, reader." baku breathes in a shuddery breath, "my dad, my friends, you."

you stay quiet to encourage baku to continue despite every part of you fighting to yell at him. but you hold back to hear his perspective.

"i was powerless against it. what am i supposed to do against an entire organized gang? i couldn't protect anyone," his voice was thick with frustration.

"so this is the best solution? throw everything you've fought for away, and join them?" you laugh sarcastically, "becoming exactly what you hate?"

baku slams his fist against the wall, "why do you think i wanted this? do you think i wanted to join? please, reader, understand where i'm coming from."

your face crumples, and you let go of your angry facade. you were just hurt and confused—you couldn't stay mad at him anymore.

"you should've just told me," you start to cry, "you don't have to shoulder everything alone. i just wish you wouldn't shut me out," your hands wipe at your eyes, embarrassed that you're crying over this.

"i.." baku looks at you crying softly, and hesitantly walks over, "i never meant to shut you out. i know i fucked up, and i'm sorry. i'm sorry for making it feel like i don't trust you, and i'm sorry for joining the union."

baku pulls you into a hug, and he rubs your back soothingly. your arms reach to hug him back, and you sniffle into his shirt.

"i wasn't planning on staying for long, reader. i wanted to join briefly, then betray baekjin," baku admits.

"you should've said that from the beginning, you dumbass," you cry into baku's chest while holding him closer, "i was seriously hurt."

"i know. park humin really is a dumbass, huh?" baku jokes softly, stroking your head.

"the biggest one to exist," you mutter. baku kisses your head, and you look up at him. "i'm still mad that you hid this from me, and that you joined the union participating in whatever illegal activites they do."

"i'm sorry, reader. i won't keep anything from you again, and i'll be more honest about what i do. i'll tell baekjin off soon, and i'll tell everyone else about this." baku apologizes again, tenderly cupping your cheek with his hand. his voice is stable and firm, and you can tell he's being honest.

you nod, silently accepting his apology. "never again, okay?"

"i promise, reader."

fin

[evie-sturns]

period - 𝗖𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗼𝗹𝗼

summary: you unexpectedly get your period after spending the night with chris, he does everything he can to make you feel better.

contains: mentions of blood, fluff, crying, swearing.

----------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐------------———

chris and i have been dating for almost two months, i sleep over at his house often though, including last night.

9:46am

i'm rudely awakened by frantic tapping on my shoulder, i rub my eyes and roll over where i'm met with chris's distraught face. "hm..?" i groan out.

"y/n, are you okay" chris rambles, his vision flicks between my eyes and the matress.

"what..?" i mumble, my vision is still partially blurred from the sudden wake up.

"you're bleeding" chris says quietly, swallowing harshly.

i sit up, the matress is dotted with blood, along with the small pyjama set i wore last night.

my period has always been irregular, ever since i was about 12. i'd never know when it would come but i would just deal with it when it did.

my stomach sinks, my cheeks instantly flush from embarrassment, this is the kind of thing thats meant to happen 2 years into your relationship, not 2 months.

my eyes start to burn, im already an emotional person but now that this has just happened i don't think i can physically be okay.

"im so sorry chris." i say, my voice breaking.

chris clears his throat, i can tell he's slightly awkward about this.

the silence in the room grows, but is quickly cut short by a sob coming from me. chris's head snaps round to look at me, "oh fuck-.. no its okay!"

he gets out of bed, without a second thought he leans over the matress and picks me up in a bridal position. he speed walks to the bathroom, "look at me." chris says calmly as i cry into his shoulder, i tilt my head up and lock eyes with him. "don't cry sweetheart, it doesn't matter to me."

i nod with a sniffle, he places me down on two feet. "you wanna get in the bath?" chris says gently.

"yeah.." i say, my voice still wobbling.

i stand still with my hands by my side vulnerably. "you want me to.." chris whispers, keeping his eyes locked on mine. "if you dont mind.." i reply.

he reaches his hand out and peels my tank top off of my body, along with my shorts. he does it so nonchalantly its impressive.

chris has only seen me naked once, which was only a week or so ago after our first hookup.

he flicks the bath on, putting his finger under the stream to check the temperature before lifting me up and placing me down.

chris bends over and picks up the pyjamas, before leaving the bathroom, closing the door behind him. i throw my head back as soon as he goes "how did this happen." i groan to myself.

-

about 10 minutes has passed, the whole time i've just been trying to calm myself, crying about this isn't gonna make it any less embarrassing for me.

my head snaps to the side as i hear 2 soft knocks on the wooden door, "come in" i say with a forced smile, chris peeks his head round the corner with a sympathetic look. hes got a freshly folded pair of sweatpants and a hoodie in his arms, which he places down on the sink. "you okay?" he asks casually, sitting down on the side of the tub.

"i mean, i'm okay as i can be right now!" i smile warmly up at chris,

he reaches into his pocket and clears his throat "i found this downstairs, i think one of nick's friends left it here-..uh" chris murmmers, pulling a tampon out of his pocket.

"thank you chris, honestly i'm sorry about being a pain." i sigh, chris shakes his head "no you're good, promise."

"just gonna go make the bed, yeah?" chris sits up off the tub and walks out of the bathroom.

-

after getting myself together i open the door to the bedroom, chris is sitting on the bed, laying the pillows out strategically. i feel like a kid thats just thrown up, staring at my parent who just had to bathe me and clean the sheets.

he stands up and runs over to me full force, grabbing me around my waist and picking me up, earning a high pitched squeal from me. "chris!!" i screech as he flops down on the bed with me still in his arms.

"what can i actually do to repay you." i whisper into chris's chest.

"give me some awesome head next week."

"christopher."

----------------┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐------------———

[thebearer]

PLEASEEEE write about carmy trying to put a baby in reader 🙏🙏🙏

minors dni 18+ also i'm doing two versions of this, this is just the first one since i had another ask for this lol

Carmen barely looked up, seeing you walk through the swinging doors back into the restaurant. Normally, he'd be worried that you were here, coming in unannounced before the dinner rush, his mind would race and tell him something was wrong. Today he knew better, he knew exactly why you were here.

"Hey, Sydney." Carmen muttered, scraping the prepped vegetables into the container, his eyes locking with yours. "I need you to cover for me, Chef."

"Ok..." Sydney muttered, looking from you and Carmen. "Are you good, Chef?"

"What? Yeah, no, yeah. I-I'm good. I just... Gotta order some stuff, and-and I just got a lot of office stuff I need to do." Carmen rambled, cheeks heating with each stammered word.

Sydney was suspect, especially with the way you were looking at each other, but she shrugged it off. "I got it, Chef." She nodded, checking off his prep on her clipboard.

"Good. Uh, if you need me just uh, knock and I'll come out." Carmen nodded, ignoring how her face contorted into disgust, practically sprinting to his office.

You were already waiting inside, dropping your purse on the couch, eyeing Carmen hungrily when he shut the door, twisting the lock behind him. "We don't have long." Carmen muttered, tearing off his apron.

"I don't need long." You hummed, pushing your shorts to the ground, letting them puddle around your ankles.

"You gotta be quiet, baby." Carmen looked at you, eyes glued on your puffy lips, drooling and teasing him when you bent over the couch, nose practically touching the wall.

"I can't promise that." You grinned, looking over your shoulder at him. "Hurry up, Berzatto. Before they need you. I need you."

Carmen snorted, palming himself through his boxers, shuffled steps over towards you with one last look over his shoulder. "I got ya, honey." He muttered, pulling himself out and stroking his length. "You sure this is supposed to work?"

"They said as much as possible when you're ovulating." You huffed, wiggling impatiently. You and Carmen had decided to try for a baby, ditching your birth control only last month. Truthfully, you were using the baby making as an excuse to fuck as much as possible, not that you needed much of one when you were ovulating.

"Never thought I'd hear you complain about having sex." You grinned.

Carmen snorted lightly, letting the head of his cock glide between your folds. "Not complaining." He muttered, teasing your entrance gently. "Never complain, baby."

You started to reply, a sharp, witty reply on the tip of your tongue, cut short by him sinking inside you, pushing into you with one long stroke, stretching you out for him. You gasped, pushing your head into your hands, hopeful to muffle the sound coming out of you.

Carmen's hand sunk into your waist, gripping the fat of your hip to bring you back to him, hips rocking slow and steady against yours, the sound of skin slapping skin one he hoped was muffled through the thick walls.

"Fuck, baby, you feel good. So fuckin' good." Carmen grunted lowly, fingers curling around your hip, jaw clenched to keep himself from groaning.

"Oh! That's the spot, Carm, fuck." You whined, back arching further at one particularly hard thrust, jamming that sweet spot inside of you that had your vision blurring, mind blanking in pleasure.

"Shh, be quiet, baby." Carmen hushed, leaning forward, one hand propped on the wall beside you. "Gotta be quiet. Can't let them- shit- can't let them know what we're doin'."

Carmen's hands curled around your waist, cradling your lower belly, feeling the way it flexed when you clenched around him. He could see it, see you all swollen and big with the baby- his baby. The baby he put inside you. It made Carmen's teeth grit, fucking you harder and harder with a new found vigor, a free hand covering your mouth to muffle your cries.

"Can't let them know I'm fuckin' a baby into you." Carmen rasped, hot breath tickling your ear, leaving you shivering. "Gonna put a baby right in here, hm? That's what you want right?"

"Yes." You whined, tears pricking your eyes. He was making you feel so good.

"You want a baby? Want me to give you a baby, huh?" Carmen growled, his hips snapping further and further, pinning you against the couch.

"Please, Carm. Please gimme a baby." You cried, letting your head fall back against his.

"Since you asked so nicely." Carmen smirked, hips snapping up into yours. "Shit, I- you close? You close, baby?"

You nodded, reaching to move his hand, pushing it further until it was cupping your mound. Carmen got the hint, pinching and rolling your clit until you were gasping and writhing in pleasure, his free hand cupping your mouth while his thrusts got sloppier around you.

Carmen pulled you back, pressing on your spine so you were face first into the couch, ass up and high for him while he pounded into you, chest pressed to your spine, until he was spilling inside of you. Pressed so he was flush to your ass, Carmen emptied his load, hot and filling deep inside of you.

"Hang on, hold on," Carmen muttered when you started to move, hands pressing softly to your side. "I didn't... Fuck, we didn't think this one through. You gotta put your legs up, right?"

You nodded, eyes still glossy, skin still flushed and glowing. Carmen snatched the pillow from the other side, setting it in front of you. "Ok, I'm gonna pull out, and I'm gonna catch it, ok? You just, you lay down. Hips on the pillow."

Carmen pulled out slow, pointer and middle finger catching any dribbling release, pushing them back inside you. You whimpered at the sensation, still sensitive, while you moved to lie on the pillow, his fingers still inside you, propping your legs up on the edge of the couch.

"Shit, I forgot a towel. Fuck, let me just, uh, let me go grab one-"

"-'s alright, Carmen." You hummed, looking at him through fluttering lashes that made his heart skip. "I'll just keep it in. The longer the better."

Carmen tried not to gawk, but he knew he was given away by the rise in his cheeks, heat flushing his skin. His groin ached, a dull throb that had him twitching with heat at the idea. "O-Ok." Carmen muttered, pulling his pants up fastening his jeans.

"Let me grab your clothes, baby, I'll put them on for you." Carmen muttered sweetly, gently putting your panties and shorts on, trying to keep your body as still as possible.

Later, the two of you were walking hand in hand into family, giggly and touchy- you could feel him leaking out of you with every step. It made your tummy trill with heat.

"This smells good." You grinned, eyes batting up at Carmen.

"Yeah? I'll get you a plate. Don't worry 'bout it." Carmen muttered, nodding towards a seat for you.

The room had stilled, eyes on the two of you, suspicious and a little questioning. Carmen looked around, blue eyes darting furiously.

"Oh no fuckin' way." Richie cackled, breaking the silence in the room. "Cousin, no way-"

"What? What are you-"

"-Look at you! Both of you!" Richie leaned back, clapping his hands in laughter. "You're sick, cousin. Sick!"

You blushed, the snickers from Fak and Sweeps, the knowing glances from the others. Carmen blushed furiously, glaring at Richie fiercely. Tina smirked, shrugging when she looked at you.

"I'm sure this building's seen worse with Mikey." She muttered.

"That obvious?" You mumbled, looking around the room, shrinking into your seat.

"A little. You got the glow, honey. At least that's a good thing." Tina grinned, nudging you gently.

When you announced your pregnancy three months later, the entire staff swore baby Berzatto was conceived in the office. "Right there, on that fuckin' couch, cousin!"

[omaano]

SW Hades AU January Update

Woohoo, look at that we have a header for the monthly updates now!

Some links and previous updates: May - June - July - August - September - October/November - December - everything else in this AU

I finally got around to not only finish Quinlan's character illustration, but also add a background, glow effect and text box to him.

I've got to say, I am very very proud and more than a little surprised at how well he turned out! Green is my nemesis of a color (that's partly why I decided to tackle Quinlan and Kit in one go - bite the bullet in one go and all that) but funnily enough all his greens are rather desaturated dark yellows (including his skin tone). Gosh, initially I'd picked those colours off of Ares, and up until I added the warmer red to the edges of the shadows on his skin I was very very terrified that I'd made a huge mistake here. (It's part of my art process, spending a significant amount of it being terrified that I messed up my colours beyond saving TT^TT) But he turned out amazing and super shiny!

Adding those snakebite piercings was also such a big brained idea (can you tell that I'm really really happy with him? XD) and this illustration is defnitely up there among my top faves with Shaak Ti.

Kit in comparison was a lot more straightforward (hah).

The foreshortening and positioning of his arms was... well. Not Fun, let's just stick with that, but I'm very good at dying on very small hills, and I'd got it in my head that I'm gonna push this pose A Bit. In the end it wasn't as much as I'd hoped for, but I did try for some exaggeration in the posing and anatomy as well. (Have you seen Ares's hands and forearms and Dionysos's thighs??)

Further SHOUTOUT and a million thanks to @hastalavistabyebye for their enthusiastic tags under all my Hades posts, and for being the genius mind behind these additional trinkets for this AU:

Fizzroot Shake for Nectar (we gotta be safe with teenagers around), and Tiingilar for Ambrosia ❤️❤️

Additional extra ramblings below the cut to save space on your dashboards:

Let's move from the trinkets back towards Kit and Quinlan last, yeah?

Fizzroot Shake and Tiingilar

It isn't as obvious with the big character illustrations as with the smaller images, but I really do have some trouble with keeping things - colours and shapes - simple. It's more obvious on small things that really cannot pack or fit in all those details, so I had to do a lot of repainting (like with the fizz fuzz foam of the shake, or the bowl of the tiingilar), and truth be told I'm still not happy. Might be that the drawing is still too detailed - but in my defense this was a wind-down project for me these past few weeks.

I have collected a few references for shapes and materials and colours from both Hades and Hades2 as you can see on the margins. I am still obsessed with the glow of Hestia's keepsake, it just glows, I love it! If I were to change a few things on these I think it would be to add some more orange/yellow to the Fizzroot Shake to offset the purple a little more (like how the purple bow balances out the very bright yellow/orange of the nectar/ambrosia), and work more black into the bowl of the tiingilar. I was thinking about adding more of that blue to it, but I wonder if even at this level there is too much of it...

Anyway, I will surely be forced to learn a lot more of this when I sit down to finish all my keepsake versions. Some of those are certainly still too detailed in their current design D:

Kit and Quinlan

I took a lot of inspiration for both Kit and Quinlan's clothing from concept art and character models from TCW. Especially for the pistols and the holsters for Quinlan's black getup that he would have worn if the Dark Acolyte storyline made it into the show, I believe.

I was also very very tempted to draw Kit wearing a really high cut swimming suit without the shorts/leggings. The ones that are cut so high they display the entirety of the hips and most of the ass as well probably? But I chickened out in the end, and stuck with a semi-see-through layer on his thighs too smh

I also try to be more intentional with my shapes in these designs. I'm not sure how I'm doing with that, but I tried for a lot of triangles with Kit. And lots of greens and orange, of course. To prove that I'm learning from those Hades style breakdown videos that I'd watched last year. So I made some notes on dominant shapes with the both of them (it was mostly triangles, and Kit also got a rectangle note as well), and to pick one bright, highlight colour while I keep the others desaturated to support that colour.

I think I did better on that front with Quinlan than with Kit. The yellow and gold of all his markings and jewelry pop real nice (and even the little "jewel" highlights of green and torqois worked so well in support of each other! I was really surprised, I generally hate adding them at the end...) and with his dark clothes, skin and hair they really support that metallic brightness even with the warmer tones worked in at the edges of shadows.

Kit on the other hand, I feel he turned out too bright and warm green, and so the orange in his vambraces and clothes don't pop that much. It lacks a bit of balance maybe. There was a time when he seemed to be too dark and desaturated a green, and that was likely the step when I got too scared to trust the process and turned up my saturation a bit too much. So I tried to work a bit of light yellow into him with that bottom lighting, and it did what it could but... oh well. I still quite like it, don't misunderstand me!

I know I sound a bit nitpicky here, but in truth I'm trying to work out what I could learn from these pieces that I might use in the next one! I'm trying to be more intentional with my work, but it doesn't come very easy to me, so working through these things in these posts do help a little. And who knows, maybe it will help someone else too :)

*

Taglist of anyone who wants to be pinged once a month for these updates <3 If you want to be added to the list send me a message, or just reply to this post (a 👀 would do, nothing fancy required ;))

@elwinged @yeehawgeek @velsayshi @lionsaint

If you want to be taken off the list just message me and I’ll take you off, no hard feelings :)

[assassin-artist]

Realizing I post so little Cecil/Akari on my blog (bc i am scared to draw cecil) so here's my first attempt to remedy that. Akari lore and info below the cut for those interested (:

so just as a quick rundown of Akari lore/powers for those who aren't familiar with her: she was originally a Chainsaw Man OC, in which she was a devil hunter who had a contract with the devil of time. It gave her time manipulation powers, but every time she used her abilities, she would lose some of her memories as payment for her powers. Although I've moved a few things around to make her story fit in the Invincible world, that stuff largely stayed the same - she still has some kind of time manipulation powers (but I still have yet to flesh out exactly how it works), and using her powers causes her to lose some memories of random moments in her life. Since she manipulates time, I imagine she's "stuck in time" physically, so she hasn't been aging ever since she first got her powers - or maybe she does age, but every time she uses her powers, she's turning back her own clock? Either way, she's nearly 100 years old by now but still looks like she's in her early 30s.

She was born in Denmark, then moved to Japan where she changed her name and joined a Japanese government hero agency. She worked there as an agent for roughly 20 years or so, then long-story-short she wound up killing her boss (for a good reason dw about it). She gets arrested because, while she may have saved people for ending that threat, she still turned against her agency and killed a high ranking government official. They don't wanna kill her bc how many people in the world can turn back time? c'mon that's way too OP to get rid of, but she's still a criminal. But Radcliffe is known to make use of powerful individuals even if they have a criminal background, so he's like "you did good work there, now come do good work over here" and she moves to America and starts working for the GDA 👍 works for Radcliffe for a good 25 years or so, then starts working for Cecil when he takes over for the next 20 years. so that makes her like…. roughly in her late 90s by the start of the show

She's a competent, trustworthy Agent who's been in the GDA for ~45 years now, she takes her job seriously and is very dedicated to her role, but she has a relaxed and humorous personality that brings a lot of levity to the GDA. Got with Cecil when he was a field agent, and they've been on and off ever since. Not because they have a rocky relationship, but because both of them are very dedicated to their jobs and know that, if ever there was a need for it, they would both choose to sacrifice their love for the good of the world. So they keep things unofficial in the hopes that it won't hurt as bad when that day comes.

Cecil's "I'd make a deal with the devil to save this planet" vs Akari's "I already have." By design she is a very tragic OC, I joke she's the most doomed woman in any narrative she exists in, but she has a silly fun personality where she takes everything in stride anyway :3 we cope with the trauma via humor over here

and just a handful of cekari ramblings i've tormented my discord friends with (:

[peachypine]

the roomies!!! i originally designed this ososan oc trio in full about a year ago to write on an rp blog. it's not really active rn, but i still want to talk and post about 'em, so here they are! just basic rundowns, but i'd be curious to hear which one (if any) is your fav of the three (feel free to leave it in the tags?? if u want!)

bonus transparent of them all together:

aaand some rambling under the cut about their designs

anzu:

i wanted to use orange as a character colour bc it's one that wasn't already used in the matsu rainbow, and i had a concept of a gyaru character named anzu kicking around in my head for a long time as well, so here we are. miwa from the mixer ep inspired the eyeshadow (orange rather than miwa's blue obv, to keep with her colour theme) and delinquent totoko's design inspired her ombre dyejob! i went with a blonde-to-orange look as a nod to anzu's namesake fruit (apricot).

the strands framing her face are split into 3 sections at the end (2/3 are grouped together and 1/3 flips in the other direction) which is a little nod to her being one of 3 siblings (eldest), as well as the "三" character used in her surname (mikado) meaning 3. the rest of her hairstyle is just because i thought it looked cute, though.

ososan's style is more simplified, but i wanted to convey makeup that was a little bold, but cute (long false lashes, eyeshadow, & and a soft pink or nude glossy lip). clothing-wise, she mixes and matches a few different substyles (agejo and onee are prominent, with some ane, tsuyome, and general old school gal influences as well?), with a particular fondness for animal prints, esp. tiger print. (that said, orange tiger print doesn't seem all that common in gyaru clothes, so in-universe i like to think that the top pictured above was originally a black-and-white zebra(?) stripe print she thrifted and dyed at home--close enough!)

her nails day to day are usually medium length since she has a lot of hobbies that involve her hands and anything longer makes those things a bit more cumbersome. sometimes they're decoden/bedazzled, sometimes they're just painted a cute colour/pattern, depends on the day! and i think she opts for press-ons over extensions for longer nails, since it's cheaper.

ran:

i'm just a bitch who loves purple, that's the reason for this one. i think the hime cut with shorter bangs is nice because you can showcase the eyebrows (i think eyebrows can really elevate a character design so i gave all 3 their own brow shape) without worrying about the lines for the eyebrows and bangs intersecting in an annoying way when you draw it. i like shorter, slightly sharp eyebrows like these because they're easy to draw, lol. i think they're usually furrowed like she's displeased with something, but that may just be her resting face. i also thought this blunter, sharper-looking cut (bold, standoffish) was a fun contrast to anzu's flippy half-updo (bright, bouncy) and yuzu's short, wavy hair (languid, relaxed).

5 piercings on each ear (2 spiked helix & 3 lobe) = 5 siblings including ran (4 older brothers). the other reason for this number of piercings was that her namesake flower (orchid) had--i thought--5 petals, but as it turns out i'm a fool, it's actually 3 petals (including the lip) and 3 sepals??? ah, well.

clothing-wise, influences from various punk/vkei styles alongside some rokku gyaru. (maybe anzu introduced her to this one?) this brash style is the total inverse of how she was expected to dress growing up. (when she and anzu first met, she was an OL with no piercings, undyed hair, and positively miserable, but that was a number of years ago now.) i'm really not reinventing the wheel with "small and angry", but y'know, we have fun here.

yuzu:

is teal distinct enough from blue to count as its own colour? i think so. for yuzu, i really loved the concept of a deadpan-looking character who is very much not the straightman, who in fact wants very badly to be the funnyman 99% of the time. that kind of straight-faced but silly comedic character is always really fun to me.

half-lidded/heavy-lidded eyes paired with thick brows are always a winner to me fsr, and i wanted to give her a more "handsome" looking face with a bit more of a defined jaw than you typically see on women in ososan. as a treat. i wanted her to look a bit like a mysterious prettyboy, but she's not actually mysterious, she's just a space cadet. (and very straightforward about her thoughts and feelings, saying them with little fuss or thought.) expectation vs reality, people deciding what you're like based on their own perception vs what you're actually like, etc. etc.

i don't have anything deep to say about her hairstyle, but maybe that's how yuzu would like it, what you see is what you get. (again, eyebrows vs hair... let that eyebrow scar that i gave her for no reason shine.) as for clothing, she prefers things that are easy to move around in, so her style is the most "matsuno"-like (t-shirts, hoodies, basketball shorts, sweats, etc.). in particular, she likes shirts with phrases, usually in english, that are funny or almost make sense but not quite ("for background visual gags" and "for the english speakers in the audience").

[nowimjustastranger]

I love the Ghost of You au so much, I'd love to hear more of those two! Obsessive and Someone Who Needs to be Obsessed Over is one of my fav dynamics 🥺

What are the first couple of days like after STCMO!Ford leaves traumatized Stan with Obsessive Ford? ❤️

Stanley is… quiet.

The silence presses down on Ford like a physical weight, suffocating and wrong. There’s this niggling in the back of his mind that insists that the filthy man currently sitting in his bathtub should never be quiet, that quiet is bad. Ford agrees on that much, at least. Ford hasn’t liked silence for as long as he could remember, so he had gotten good at pretending it wasn’t there by holding entirely one-sided conversations.

“You’ll probably need two baths and a shower before you’re fully clean.” Ford murmured, grabbing his three-in-one shower gel to squeeze a generous amount onto his palm. Ford had been using the same brand since boyhood, the scent was both calming and somehow familiar even if he couldn’t place where he had smelled it before.

Stanley didn’t so much as flinch as Ford worked the gel into a lather in his hair, the man staring down at the steadily browning  water with a vacant expression. Ford shifted with the urge to be closer, though short of climbing into the tub with Stanley, it just wasn’t possible. But that didn’t stop Ford from wanting Stanley here, with him, and not wherever Stanley had wandered off to in that head of his.

“I’ll salvage what I can, but you might want to consider a haircut.” Ford said lowly, his nose scrunching at the poor state Stanley’s hair was in. Ford was as gentle as the knots allowed him to be, patiently untangling the less problematic wads with his fingers. “I could cut it for you. I’m no professional, but I have dabbled. I’m confident that I could do a medium length cut.”

“You… don’t want it long?” Stanley asked, his tone neutral in a way that was clearly intentional. However, Ford was a little preoccupied with recovering from the unexpected shock of getting a response to his mindless rambling, nearly overwhelmed with the inexplicable urge to cry. Stanley’s voice was rough from straining his vocal cords, but the soft rasp was like music to Ford’s ears.

“Do you want it long?” Ford countered as he dipped his hands into the dirty water to rinse the suds off, only slightly choked up. Unfortunately, Stanley only shrugged, which didn’t give Ford much to work with when it came to figuring out what Stanley actually wanted. He had only emerged from his numb haze after Ford had brought up the haircut, so did that mean he wanted to keep his hair long?

“To be completely honest, I’m not sure I can salvage your hair. Getting it cut would take care of the more stubborn knots as well as ensure that your hair is healthy. Then you can grow it out to the length you prefer.” Ford relayed, watching Stanley’s expression closely for any hint that his hunch had been right. Thankfully, confirmation came in the form of Stanley’s tense shoulders easing.

“M’kay.” Stanley mumbled, his eyelids drooping a little as he obediently tilted his head back so Ford could wash the discolored suds out of his hair, making the water in the tub even more murky. It would have to be drained and replenished before Ford addressed Stanley’s body, though most of the dirt and mystery fluids had already been rinsed off due to Stanley splashing himself as soon as he had climbed into the nearly scalding water.

“I remember usin’ this stuff as a teen.” Stanley tentatively commented, squinting at the bottle of shower gel that Ford had set aside. Meanwhile, Ford had paused as another puzzle piece smoothly slotted into place, his arm submerged in the cloudy water to blindly feel for the plug. Ford stored the information in his mental file on Stanley before resuming his current task, watching the dirty water swirl down the drain.

“We can share.” Ford assured, grabbing the bottle in order to pass it to Stanley, who eagerly accepted it so he could pop the cap and sniff it. Ford replugged the tub before fiddling with the knobs until the temperature was just right, letting the tub refill.

“Man, I missed this shit. Good quality for cheap.” Stanley grunted, a note of nostalgia in his voice as he set the bottle back on the lip of the tub with an amount of care that struck Ford as uncharacteristic. He was unsure of how he knew this, which seemed to be a recurring theme ever since that helmeted asshole showed up on his doorstep.

Though, as Ford watched Stanley practically melt into the steaming water, he had to admit that one good thing had come from the otherwise trying interaction.

“I don’t have much by way of groceries, so I’ll have to go shopping.” Ford said with a grimace, he had never enjoyed going into town. The last thing he wanted to do was leave Stanley home alone, but he didn’t want to prematurely expose Stanley to Gravity Falls either. Quite the dilemma. “In the meantime, does sandwiches and soup for lunch sound agreeable?”

“I’m fine with whatever.” Stanley murmured with a lazy shrug, cracking an eye open as Ford squeezed another pile of the shower gel onto a washcloth that Ford had dunked into the tub and wrung. Stanley’s keen eyes tracked Ford’s movements, the washcloth gently running over Stanley’s pale skin. He’d need at least fifteen minutes a day in the sun to get his tan back, and to promote the production of Vitamin D.

“You’ll need to be on a strict diet until we put some padding on you, you’re too skinny.” Ford stated when the silence began to creep up on him, crawling over his skin like thousands of tiny bugs and buzzing in his ears like a swarm. His mind went blissfully quiet when Stanley responded with a noncommittal hum, the skittering insects alleviated as the sound washed over him like a balm.

“We’ll build your muscles back up as well, if you're amenable.” Ford added, subtly aiming a sidelong glance at Stanley as he worked the washcloth up his brother’s arm, and was promptly rewarded with another low grunt of compliance. Ford almost felt light-headed with elation, reeling from the power and control that had been placed into his eager hands.

When Ford touched Stanley, he didn’t flinch away. When Ford spoke, Stanley answered. When Ford made a decision, Stanley agreed.

It was dizzying, the realization that he had sway over another person’s life. Stanley’s life in specific. His brother’s life. Stanley would let Ford take care of him, would let Ford decide what was best. And in return, Stanley would never want for anything ever again, Ford would ensure it. And even if Stanley did decide to be difficult someday, Ford would never dare to reprimand him for expressing his feelings.

“I’ll have to hire the Corduroy family to add another room for your workout equipment.” Ford said with a pleased smile, his free hand brushing Stanley’s hair off his shoulder so Ford could clean his collarbone and neck with the cloth that was in his other hand. Stanley helpfully tilted his head, exposing his vulnerable neck to Ford’s gentle ministrations.

“Could just workout outside.” Stanley drawled, twisting to lean against the lip of the tub so Ford could get to his other arm.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Stanley. What if it’s raining? Or snowing? Or cold? Having an indoor workout area is practical.” Ford tutted, taking the opportunity to scrub Stanley’s back, the man arching into the contact with a low, content sound that had Ford’s chest warming. As far as Ford was concerned if Stanley was happy, then so was he.

“If ya say so, bro.” Stanley sighed and Ford finally gave in to the desire to bump his forehead against Stanley’s temple, the man huffing in amusement but readily accepting the affection. Ford’s insides were writhing in excitement at the acknowledgement, something inside him settling as the title of ‘brother’ was freely given. Ford didn’t yet know if he was older or younger, but he didn’t care either way.

“Can you shift for me, please?” Ford asked softly, mentally adding a shave onto his to-do list for today when Stanley’s stubble scraped against his nose as Ford nuzzled him. Stanley adjusted his position, leaning back and sinking down in the tub until the water lapped at his chin before he offered one of his legs to Ford, correctly anticipating his intentions.

Ford started from the foot and worked his way up the leg, pausing at Stanley’s inner thigh in order to glance at him. They made eye contact and Stanley shifted, legs spreading wider to signal his consent, so Ford carried on. Stanley watched him through half-lidded eyes, struggling to keep them open. Ford couldn’t imagine how tired he must be, with the eventful morning that he’s had.

“Use the shower to rinse, then we’ll eat and you can nap until dinner. Sound good?” Ford chuckled, brushing wet strands of hair out of Stanley’s face, the man nodding with a sluggish blink. Ford unplugged the tub before curling his hands under Stanley’s elbows to help him stand up, pleased when Stanley let Ford support most of his weight for a few moments as he adjusted to being upright.

“I’ll fetch you some clothes. I won’t be far, just call for me if you need anything.” Ford urged, reluctantly relinquishing his grip on Stanley so he could mess with the knobs to get the shower going. Stanley even went as far as to shift in order to shield Ford from the spray, which was sweet but ultimately redundant considering that Ford’s sleeves and knees were already soaked.

“M’kay.” Stanley mumbled, ducking his head under the spray as he roughly ran his hands over his body to help rinse the suds off. Ford backed to the door, keeping his eyes on Stanley for as long as possible before he inevitably had to leave the bathroom, though he kept the door cracked so he could hear Stanley humming some song or another as he moved across the hall to their bedroom to rummage through his closet.

[traumaandkink]

Do you have any advice (or reassurance) for someone new to BDSM? My partner and I have been talking about experimenting with a sort of D/s dynamic, and while I think I understand the concept, I still feel a bit lost and afraid that I'll do everything wrong or that everything will change. I am also just nervous because new things scare me. Apologies if this is the wrong place to ask.

Okay, I meant to keep this short, but I rambled a lot and I'm sorry.

Become knowledgeable. Learn about the things you want to do before you do them. If you're into things that might involve physical pain, it is so so so so important to know where and what is okay to 'hit'. And this might be a part of getting involved in the community too. Maybe there are munches near you. I personally found it really helpful to talk to others who had experience in it. It helped me pinpoint things that were problems, and also opened me up to new ways of trying things. Be cautious of people that claim to be experts though.

Take it slow. You don't need to try everything at once, and it's okay if you try something and change your mind. Talk about the things you'd be interested in a dynamic and maybe try one small thing. My partner and I are in a TPE relationship, but we didn't just jump into all the things about it. One small thing in our relationship I'd use as an example is him ordering food for me. I'd test it out with him and see how it felt, and we added more things and actually took some things out that weren't feasible for us. If you are into them taking control, something small like that might be a good test and that leads me into my next point that you might decide you only enjoy it in the bedroom! And might want to try something small in there.

It'll take time to figure out what sort of dynamic you want. Some people are bedroom only and that's okay. Still completely valid! It's probably a good place to start in a couple bedroom scenes and then go from there and see if there's more you want to add like having it a bit more in your every day life.

I want to back up taking it slow because once you start, it can be easy to fall into rushing into things because it can be exciting. And that's cool but I am definitely someone who rushed into things too fast and jumped over my own limits without realizing it. My partner and I have had to change rules, figure out different punishments, come across triggers I didn't know I had. (We even had to make an adjustment to how we did things last week even after being in our dynamic for 7 years. That's okay!)

Safe words are so important. Even if you feel you don't need them (and fuck please don't listen to anyone that says they aren't needed. Run away.), and having an alternative if you can't speak. (For me, sometimes I lose the ability to speak, so some sort of hand tap is helpful.) And at first, as 'unsexy' as it might seem, check in at first. Not just from the position of the Dom to the sub because experimenting with being a Dom can also be intense! And there's a lot of pressure and feeling like you're not 'cut out' to be a Dom/sub if you aren't into something specifically, and being afraid to speak up and disappoint others. And you can make checking in 'sexy' in a way. Like "Oh, you like when I do this?"

Some people find a stoplight system effective where 'red' is stop completely, 'yellow' is a need for caution and to maybe slow things down (some people use different definitions for this one so be sure you're on the same page), and 'green' is 'yes, more'. Green isn't often just spoken out of the blue, though it can be, but one way some people check in is they will stop and prompt a stoplight check in and then only proceed when they get a colour response - and no response means the scene ends completely. Which I think is a great system, especially with someone new or starting out with a new partner. My partner is allowed to keep going when I'm quiet, because we don't need to check in anymore and he trusts me to let him know either verbally or with a hand signal that I need him to stop. But we did not start there.

And don't be afraid to use your safe word. I felt guilty about it before but it's actually a violation of trust to the other person to push past your limits. My Dom is only comfortable pushing and being a bit more intense because he trusts me to let him know if it's a problem. He wouldn't be comfortable if he felt he couldn't trust me to let him know. Using a safe word is not failure. It's okay. Please, please use your safe word.

After care is always talked about as being important, and it absolutely is but different people have different needs (sometimes I want chocolate, sometimes I want snuggles, sometimes I want my hair brushed... And one thing we do that helps is I send him instagram reels all the time and then sometimes, we lay there and watch them together so aftercare isn't always what you see). And I found that for me, I don't always need after care immediately after but it might take an hour or two. I know someone else like that so I recommend when trying the first few times (or whenever you try something new really) to make sure you both have time afterwards in case support is needed after. And it's not talked about as much but Doms can absolutely need aftercare too. Sometimes mine needs reassurance that I don't think he's terrible or anything like that.

Try to remember you aren't a bad Dom/sub if you need to make changes from when you see on the internet and it's normal actually. It's so often talked about on blogs, or in fantasies about the 'perfect' submissive and Dom, and that's not realistic. You aren't a bad submissive if you hate oral, or hate edging and don't want to give up orgasm control, if you aren't into pain play, etc. You also aren't a bad Dom if you aren't into any of these things. What works for others might not be for you, and it's a learning experience. (I'm still learning things about myself and my relationship. We recently tried something new last week.)

It's okay if your limits change And this can be day to day, or just down the line as you realize something isn't for you or maybe some trauma comes to the surface. You aren't failing if you need to change the limits, and it is okay if you can't do something that you previously did.

It's not about BDSM specifically, but my blog post about Navigating Sex after Trauma might be helpful. I talk a little about aftercare, safe words (because yes, aftercare and safe words I think should be more common even in 'vanilla' experiences.), communication, and how trauma can affect things during sex. I also talk a bit about the 'drop' you can experience which I think is important to be aware of.

I'm really sorry I rambled so much. There's more to say really, but I don't want this to be completely overwhelming to read.

[sailor-artemis]

Template made by Ikara on bluesky! (with a few... edits by me :3c) I'll keep this bit short and sweet and leave the rambling for under a cut: To anyone who's liked, reblogged, commented on or otherwise interacted with my poses; to anyone who sent me an ask, made impromptu art, shared their character's lore with me; to anyone who offered advice, resources, or their time to the community at large, I offer you my deepest gratitude. Without all of you, I wouldn't have the energy or drive to do even a fraction of this, so thank you! Links: Juneuary / February / March / April / May / June / July / August / September / October / November / November 2

Full on ramble time: I cannot believe how far I've come in the last 11 months. I had hardly managed any creative work in the 4 years since I'd graduated university, and as soon as I took the plunge into making poses of and writing about my little blorbos, my creativity just exploded. I chipped away at a couple prompt lists, and I managed to complete the (Count)Down to Dawntrail, XIV Write and (a slightly delayed) Glamtober as well, and between those challenges and a smattering of other writing projects and one-off pose ideas, I now have a treasure trove of material about my lovely wols! I only started posing in February of this year (I checked my PC and I don't have a single screenshot from January, pose or otherwise), so I opted to swap out January for a second pose from June (so I could highlight my favorite (Count)Down to Dawntrail prompt *and* a pose that I did while borrowing @this-is-ris and @zylphiacrowley's lovely WoLs. I also haven't done anything in December yet, so I grabbed two of my favorite belated Glamtober (But It's November) prompts to fill out the end of the template. One more special shout-out left, and I know I never shut up about them, but I gotta give extra thanks to @reversalsun and the rest of the gang for opening the door and really inviting me into the creative space this year. Y'all have supported me immensely in projects both XIV-related and not with advice and encouragement and feedback, and this year would not have been even half as crazy and fun as it would if we hadn't met. I'm eternally grateful to have some of the coolest pals around, and your work inspires me to be a better writer, artist, thinker, crafter, and cosplayer. I cannot say thank you enough.

[mytheoristavenue]

Day 8-

OP Vinsmoke Sanji x Reader - Winter Proposal

Summary: While walking through a snowy farmer's market, Sanji asks you an important question.

Warning: pure fluff, very short/rushed

You smiled to yourself, inhaling the aroma coming off of the disposable cup of hot chocolate in your hands. The foam dish warmed your fingertips as you took a sip, waiting for Sanji to finish up at a fish stand. Just then, he glanced back up to see you waiting, and cut his interaction with the fisherman short, before tucking what he'd ought into a wicker basket.

"Sorry, I just had to," he said sheepishly. "I haven't seen this kinda stuff since I left the East Blue. It was one our signature dishes on the Baratie, you're gonna love it-" You could hardly keep track of him when he got like this, rambling on about food and ingredients and the different was they can be used.

"I'm sure I will," you giggled. "I love anything you make."

Sanji suddenly fell nearly silent as his stare fell downcast. "I know you do..." he muttered under his breath. The truth was, you weren't a very picky eater, he could serve you rotten salad with wilted lettuce and you'd eat it. You were never wasteful or gluttonous like other people he knew. If he ever made something experimental that nobody liked, he could always count on you to give him a five star rating.

"What's the matter?" you asked, tilting your head and stepping in front of him, forcing your face into his line of sight.

"Oh, nothing." he dismissed with a melancholic smile.

"Come on, Sanji," you pressed. "Obviously something's bothering you! You're all quiet now."

"I guess I just have something on my mind is all..." he trailed, brushing passed you to continue on the path again.

"Well, out with it!" you pouted, pulling on his sleeve, making him stop again.

"It's not the right time." he insisted, pulling you along.

"The right time for what?" you whined, beginning to become impatient with him.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" he finally asked, giving you a glimmer of hope. You shook your head persistently, prompting him to sigh and dig into his pocket. "Just remember, if this isn't perfect, you forced it out of me." he teased, sinking to his left knee. Gazing up at you with that sweet, charming smile of his, he offered you a ring. It was a simple silver band, speckled with tiny diamonds and a teardrop-shaped sapphire as the centerpiece.

Tears immediately began rolling down your cheeks as you slapped your palm to your lips in disbelief. "S-Sanji..."

"You've always been my biggest fan, (Y/N). My taste tester when I'm unsure, my sous chef when I need help, and when nobody else likes my food, I know you do. You're my biggest support and I want you by my side forever."

"S-Sanji..." you sniffled, cheeks blushed and snowflakes catching on your hair. "I don't know what to say..."

"Say yes..." he beamed, tears pricking his eyes as he grabbed your left hand and slid the ring onto your finger. "Please bel amour?"

Finally catching up with the world around you, you quickly nodded your head, sobbing as you fell to your knees with him. "Yes, a million times, yes!" you cried into his chest. "I'd love to!"

"Thank you mon tresor," Sanji sighed, pulling you closer, not caring about the market goers passing you by. "C'mon, let's finish the shopping and get back tot he ship. I'm gonna make you somehting extra special."

[gethoce]

Sending a little ask, as I just happened to see your tournament post...

If you think you don't want to revisit any of that with all the other stressful stuff going on, you can skip this! It's nothing big outside of offering sympathy to you and some commiseration from someone in a similar place! Though I do have a question about including Valfrey in a little piece of tribute art at the end!

-

[Tourney Sympathy Section!]

I know we don't know each other extremely well (though I've seen your comics for a while and always admired how much work you put into each one and also your amazing and unique world building) but I'd like to offer hugs (...or whatever you're most comfortable with in place of those!) and sympathy.

I tried to keep a smile up throughout the tourney but I experienced some of that kind of back-talking too. Someone in the server (who I would like to think I became friends with eventually and really respect as a creator) called me a hypocrite way early on and said straight up that I could never understand what the rest of the competitors were going through because I ran a "popular" blog. It shut me up for a good long while ^^ Not saying this to convince you to forgive anyone, just that I know how upsetting the comments would casually get in that place with little to zero apologies to follow… And that I too felt extremely isolated because regardless of how well my posts on here did, I never -knew- anybody in the fandom or had ever talked to anyone before this event.

Anyway, lots and lots of sympathy. ^^ I'll try not to fill this message with "oooh, me as well!" but...I also saw my OC get fairly flanderized by folks, particularly with everyone in the Discord trying to treat him like a kid which, despite his age being a literal kid, that kind of treatment is something that would immediately rub him the wrong way. For me, I ended up kind of throwing in the towel and going with it eventually, and it took a lot of work to mold him back to something more closely resembling my original vision of him. I actually really admire you for standing strong with your character + lore despite how easy it was for things to get jumbled with everyone trying (or not) to figure everyone out.

...And I'm sorry if I was one of the people who mischaracterized Valfrey. I actually went to check out her toybox page VERY early on in the tournament (because I was fascinated + loved how their name came from Morpho's original name + the valkyrie thing) but I admit that some of that might've gotten overwritten or confused with time...

-

[Question Section!]

Lastly, given your experiences were a mixed bag, I wanted to ask... 

I have one more piece of tourney art to post this month as a conclusion to the second-chance finals - it's a very short piece with Noir and Rope MF going to a tug of war convention. Because I thought it would be sweet, I included starstruck and Valfrey in their little group too (Valfrey in their smaller butterfly form.)  

But if you would rather I leave her out of this because it's tourney related, I can do that too! Or if you think they wouldn't travel in that form or...?

Basically, after reading everything you went through, I want to try and get them right! (For clarity's sake, it's currently just a little cameo with her perched atop the human vers of Noir's head. I thought that would be okay since he's a lost soul already in that form!)

I hope I don't ramble too much, putting it under the cut just in case!

[Sympathy Section]

I do appreciate hearing about your similar experiences a lot! Makes me feel a little less alone in that whole thing... <3 I feel like people sometimes forget that we too are people. Like, I know how it's like to not be known at all. I've been there for many many years and only recently found a bit of a niche to enjoy.

I've been online for a good 15 years by now, (and given how you're about a decade older than me you can probably relate), naturally I've had my fair share of soul crushing experiences in which I posted something I worked very hard on and it got absolutely zero interactions. Just straight up nothing. It's not like we came online for the first time and immediately had people flocking to us as though it was a natural talent.

I've only been actively drawing Kirby fanart for about two years, the first time in a decade anything I've done actually managed to get some attention. It's worth noting that I don't even think it's possible to even climb that high within a niche fandom like Kirby. Even the biggest blogs that focus solely on Kirby aren't actually that large. The divide feels all the more unnecessary.

I like to tackle esoteric topics while the largely popular wholesome genre is something I really do not vibe with, naturally I don’t actually build up that much of a following. I'd have to force myself to do it and have a couple of times, but I don't want to make that a habit. I'm in this not for any fame but to have fun and get to talk with others about a franchise I've loved for as long as I can remember. Before the tournament there were only one or two people I could regularly talk to. I think having a friend group within the fandom is not only more rewarding than "fame" but also a lot less lonely.

Anyway, can I just mention how impressive it is to see a human OC like Noir find a footing in all of this? My creativity has been called into question for using a "common species" instead of something "more original". While humans aren't commonly used within the larger Kirby OC side of things, I'd imagine people would think of the species as "uncreative" even though there is much to dabble into in terms of lore just as there is for the orbs. People come here largely for characters that aren't human and yet your amazing writing and art managed to overcome that burden and Noir managed to capture people's attention!

I'd imagine many just looked at his design and made some assumptions and characterised him based on that alone instead of engaging with his lore, just as they looked at Valfrey and came to the conclusion that if she is a butterfly she must be a reaper and nothing else... and thank you so much for actually reading her toyhouse page! I've since rewritten it entirely in hopes of perhaps making her lore more clear in the future. It can be tough properly introducing OCs with a lot of lore. I'm grateful for anyone who actually takes their time to look into it!

[Question Section]

I'D ACTUALLY LOVE THAT OMG it'd be an honour to be included in all that!! Valfrey coming in in the butterfly is just so cute and hilarious. She can sit on top of Noir and be carried around a little LOL. Valfrey does like to observe things a lot in that form, I can totally see this being in character! <3

[autumnwoodsdreamer]

Have a star for that director's cut ask game! ⭐ Alas I don't know your fan fic as well (yet) but I'd love to hear more about it!

Thank you!!! 🥹 and that’s totally okay: I just really, really appreciate the excuse to ramble!

Okay, so I’ve been kinda dying to gush about the different media that has inspired Lift a Sail—i.e. the movies/shows/books (both Star Wars and other). This is particularly coming to mind because my sister and I are rewatching Star Wars in chronological order and I’m rereading my series to keep the story straight and, as I’m going along, I’m seeing and remembering the influence different things have had on the story (as well as gleaning some new things to weave in).

I started Lift a Sail in January 2021. It was hot on the heels of Mandalorian season 2. No Bad Batch yet, no Book of Boba Fett, no Ahsoka, no Andor, no Kenobi. The only live action Star Wars show was Mandalorian (oh, take me back…). We had watched a handful of Clones Wars episodes (particularly the Mandalorian-centric episodes) and we saw Rebels through, start to finish—in-universe, they had the greatest impact on the tone and setting of Lift a Sail there at the beginning.

But when it came to story beats and dialogue, I have to credit the books I was reading along the way: Pride & Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables (for about the dozenth time), James Herriot, Sherlock Holmes, No.1 Ladies Detective Agency, Dick Francis, Pax, As Easy As Falling Off the Face of the Earth, The Little Prince, Secret Garden. And then there were the other movies and shows that had a part: Iron Man, HTTYD, Tangled, Mulan, The Sea Beast, Treasure Planet, Titan AE, Lilo & Stitch, Brother Bear, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, Secondhand Lions, Fatherhood, Shrek, Quest for Camelot, Tarzan, Anastasia, Lois & Clark, Quantum Leap, Columbo, Murder She Wrote, Diagnosis Murder, maybe a couple of rom-coms… everything contributed something.

I struck out a little on my own when it came to developing Din’s voice and character. I find he’s quite a blank slate in canon: the list of things we know for sure about him is quite short and in the show he’s largely reactive: the further the series goes, the more the plot just happens to and even around him (hence why I tend to refer mainly to the first season for the best study on his character). To flesh him out, I use characters like Sam Beckett (Quantum Leap), James Herriot, Clark Kent, Tarzan, Hiccup, Li Shang, and (I admit this shamelessly) Shrek as references.

In contrast, when it came to writing Sabine, I found her portrayal in SWR was fleshed out so well, I didn’t have to do extra homework. That said, I did realize I would be writing a version of her a decade older than we last see her, so I did take care with that. I do use Natasha Romanov, Elizabeth Bennet, Swan (Fatherhood), Akima, Mulan and Nani as (I don’t know a better way to describe this) vibe references for her.

And, of course, can’t forget little Grogu here. Right at the beginning, I determined not to write him as a mere prop. Two factors here: too often in media, I see child characters portrayed as bratty, incompetent, oblivious, and about as emotionally intelligent as a piece of paper. I don’t like that. I’ve worked with kids for years and I know full-well how complex and sincere humans-in-training can be. Secondly, I saw how even the show itself didn’t really know what to do with this puppet for the most part and it was sadly obvious he was becoming meme-fodder and a quick cash-cow. Yes, okay, he’s cute, but I don’t come for cute; I come for character. I drew inspiration from Lilo, Walter (Secondhand Lions), Matilda, Jim Hawkins, Koda (Brother Bear), and the Little Prince for Grogu.

And then there’s a whole list of inspiration for other characters throughout the story. Even secondary and background characters I try to find vibe references for. I don’t solely use other media. For instance: Chi Drench, an OC I made specifically for the fic, I based on some doctors and nurses I knew in real life. Marida, while not an OC, I based on some of my aunts.

But then, as I was writing the story, other Star Wars shows came along and my sister and I dove a bit deeper into the lore. We’ve never been particularly taken by the trilogies and we tend to give them the least attention, so I’d say they had the lightest influence on the story. But we rewatched Rebels constantly, and I have to credit Rogue One and Bad Batch as having a massive impact on things.

I didn’t expect to enjoy Bad Batch so much (I was biased: at the time, I didn’t particularly care for that whole period of the Star Wars timeline because I thought anything set there would just taste like the Prequels). But the first episode had me hooked! That was the vibe I was going for in Lift a Sail!

I found Hunter to be one of the best references for Din. From character to speech pattern to temperament to mannerisms to motivations to movements, he works exceptionally well as a model for him.

(I also use Rohlan the Questioner from the High Republic comics as a reference for Din.)

You can kinda see at what point Bad Batch started airing because my writing changed with it. Like I said: Rebels had the biggest influence on the start of Lift a Sail, but Bad Batch carried the last part and it’s to credit for the specific tone and aesthetic of Head Above Water.

The Book of Boba Fett came out while I was concluding Head Above Water. I don’t know how to describe the impact it had. I didn’t hate it, but it wasn’t what I expected. I really loved the Boba backstory with the Tuskens and I liked seeing Fennec choose to stay with Boba, it was nice to see Din again, and it was, in general, quite fun, but I didn’t like the Mods and the mangled Mandalorian season 3 they crammed in there at the end was horrendous. It actually made me change my story quite drastically because, originally, I was going to have Din go to Peli after rescuing Grogu but, while I enjoyed her more jovial portrayal in TBoBF, I hated the stupid Starfighter they forced on Din. I also didn’t know how to fix the mess with the Pykes (why even the Pykes? There are so many other things to fix up on Tatooine, did we have to add them?) so I figured, until I can think of how to work that out, I’d better leave it all alone.

So I took them to Lothal instead and I’m glad I did because I had so many ideas I wanted to explore there.

Then came Kenobi and it really helped keep the tone and setting straight. I know a lot have problems with Kenobi but I adore it, through and through! (Okay, admittedly, I really don’t like the look of the Grand Inquisitor and the Fifth Brother but my sister and I have so many jokes about them that I’m kind of fond of it all now.)

Andor came out while I was writing the third part: Anchors. In particular, the prison arc inspired how I wrote Ryder Azadi because I figured he could’ve been in a similar prison likely at the same time as Cassian (though not the exact same one). Also, the more intense focus on character in Andor helped me dive into the more character-driven story of Anchors.

Then Mando season 3 came out and, honestly, the spite fuelled me to continue the story. I seriously thought I would wrap up my story once the next season came out because I figured they’d explore those story threads from season 2 and TBoBF so well that there was no way my story could bring anything interesting to the table and I figured I might want to start something new with the expanded story in canon.

Then they just… dropped those story threads altogether.

No Din dealing with the removal of his helmet. No Darksaber journey. No fleshed-out Mandalorian tribe. No Grogu character arc.

Nothing.

So I pressed on.

Thankfully, TBB season 2 came out at the same time, so I focussed more on that to keep the tone and characterization straight.

For The Lighthouse Keeper, I referred to Treasure Planet and Titan AE. A lot. Because I was having them trek through Wild Space, those movies offered the best material—visually and thematically. There’s also a smidge of Doctor Who influence—in particular, I based older Ezra’s character off the Tenth Doctor.

Unsinkable is a product of all the previous. I’ve got a bit of a groove now: when I want to capture a particular feeling or vibe for a scene, I rewatch something that reminds me of it. I do try to refer back to the original material to keep the characters themselves consistent, and I’ve set which parts of the original media I want to keep as a base (for example: Sabine and Ahsoka in the Ahsoka show just don’t feel like Sabine or Ahsoka at all, so I don’t ever use that as a reference for them. I stick rather to their Rebels’ portrayal. Same with Din and Grogu: their characters are richest and clearest in Mando S1 and parts of S2, so I refer to those episodes).

I’m really looking forward to Andor season 2. New worlds, new storylines, further character arcs—I can’t wait to see it and glean some more inspiration! (I’m still trying to work in a roadside diner made out of one of those Ferrix shuttles… and I don’t know where to bring in Luthen’s antique store, but, man, I want to.)

[brandytusk]

The following thoughts, or maybe confession, contain Arcane spoilers. Please keep that in mind should you continue. It's a long story, I apologize in advance.

Now I will say, I am no LoL player, thus unfamiliar with its lore with the exception of what I search for, or what education I get from others. I had a passing interest in Arcane due to my best friend's insistence, rambling on about its beautiful art style, symbolism, and compelling writing. It was one of those things I did in fact, try and make a habit of to sit and watch at dinner, see what all the rising hubbub was about. I'll admit, I don't know where I stopped in season one, but I didn't finish it. As I recall, the plot felt too grim. To me, it felt like it was a show getting praise for being artistically depressing. When season one's ending was spoiled for me, I was glad I hadn't got as invested as other people I knew. To have developed characters so sincerely in a season's time, just to end it the way it was done…I disapproved, and I shook my head. Forgot it all at the time.

I'm a millennial who has lived through recession, through pandemic, and I am not middle class. I'm anxious, and there are days that feel hopeless and painfully long. I want to escape into the media I consume, let characters take me on a journey with them, far away from the oppressive, hanging air of everyday life in late stage capitalism. I don't want a tragic story, no matter how much it is praised for its art direction. Moving forward every morning can be bleak enough. Maybe others like these kinds of harsh stories for its relatability, and that's fine! I am happy for those that can appreciate it in that way, but I cannot. I'm tired, and perhaps not just as a struggling individual, but as an LGBT+ person with a husband.

Mainstream, popular shows (that get shown to American audiences, at least) don't often get obvious queer representation, or when it does, the show is often cut short. I felt baited in what I did see of season one, and rolled my eyes that fanfiction writers were fed enough to work their magic and fill the holes, as per usual.

Then, the next season of Arcane releases, and my social media feeds became flooded with screenshots and spoilers. I didn't block said spoilers and told myself I was no longer invested in Arcane -- only to see the most alarming screen captures I'd ever seen.

I especially liked what I'd seen of Viktor and Jayce in the past. I enjoyed seeing two intelligent, determined male creatives share screentime and share their story of a growing, deepening friendship. As far as I was aware, Jayce and Viktor were well bonded colleagues, if not each other's 'ride or die', once mutually and deeply invested in a greater outcome to benefit the whole. Compared to the rest of what I'd seen of Arcane's first season, it still hadn't gripped me enough to stick around as I wanted to save myself from heartache. Long story short, season two's spoilers revealed to me Jayce making a frantic, truly desperate effort to revive his fallen, disabled partner Viktor after the explosion. While he's successful, this fuses Viktor with tech Jayce once swore to destroy. Jayce draws close and is just relieved Viktor, in his birthday suit at this moment mind you, is alive, while Viktor is disappointed Jayce didn't keep his promise. They go separate ways, and the scene felt like an intimate argument, a break up. Well, at this point with that much revealed to me, I was relieved to see the two of them alive after the first season's ending. I was curious again, so I continued to look at screen captures and gifsets.

Viktor develops magic skills to heal others, and in his new body things, seem to fall into place for him. He is appreciated, and maybe it's suggested he gets a following. While its unclear how 'good' the arcane is, what he's doing with it seems right for the character. It looks like a victory…until Jayce comes along and puts a hole in Viktor's chest, keeping his promise. Viktor only meant to talk to him. Jayce, who had fought so hard to revive this man, kills him, as far as I'd seen it. It felt like petty shock value. Not knowing there was more episodes to come, I thought that was it. More tragedy, more pain.

My husband knows me well. I very rarely get affected by the shows I watch, and when I do, I am reserved about it. Instead, I sobbed, the kind where you can't see passed the tears and the snot. I felt so betrayed by my curiosity, by my hopeful feelings. I spent days ranting to my friends and my husband, offended and angry. How dare these writers throw around this disabled character and give him no relief, and what was more, develop two men in such a way as to suggest one simply cannot exist without the other only to shoot down one of them, by the hand of their partner? I had let myself be baited again, and I was feeling it. It burned, it hurt, I raged. I gave up.

A day or two ago, my best friend chimed in again: I should check in on Arcane. There had been more episodes, the season had finished. Trusting they knew how sensitive I was about all of it, I did. Again, I was moved to tears, but for different, much better reasons.

What was this?

Fortiche and its writing team had bothered to weave together and tell a story of two men ultimately destined for each other through every timeline, the kind of trope reserved for romantic movies and literature? They held hands, kept each other close, were honest with each other in the starry nothing. Hand to nape, forehead to forehead, and colorfully blinked out of that current existence, together? Such intimacy didn't need a kiss or a sex scene to feel real, there was love there. Their fated, interwoven existence, their deep and complex relationship, saved the world. In the end, there was hope.

You can tell yourself that it wasn't romantic if it makes you feel better, but in all its passionate details it very much was. To this stressed, exhausted LGBT+ person in these real uncertain times, I needed to see it. I felt deep relief, satisfaction, and most of all a need to pursue the Arcane fandom, a desire to enter. To at the very least, gush about my impression of it all, and what it means to me to see two men tenderly portrayed in ways they typically aren't. Fortiche, well done. You did give the Caitvi shippers something to blatantly feast upon, you also gave lesbian characters depth and variation, but this isn't about that.

You let two male characters show dedication, affection, and softness. Thank you. Jayvik folks, I am with you. Arcane, let's start over at the first episode, I can't wait to watch all of you now.

[linka-from-captain-planet]

WIP I'll Probably Never Finish Wednesday

sometime in October, I posted a list of kinktober concepts I'd write if my brain weren't soup. I picked at a couple here and there, but none really went anywhere except "Neve and Rana once got sex pollened while working a case together and that's why they act so weird about each other." I wrote the fun part (the lead-up and Neve in full ಠ_ಠ dying mad mode over her lack of control over the situation) and don't feel like writing the boring part (actually banging) or adapting it to suit canon better (re: Brom and such; I wrote most of this pre-release) but I had fun writing it, so I'm posting what I have for funsies

Fun fact: one of Neve's codex entries about the wisps mentions they avoid her notes on "the Opal Rose case" for an unknown reason and I thought that sounded juicy, so I stole it for this fic

Somehow this managed to be a rambling and barely edited 2800 words and I would issue a warning about dubious consent because of the nature of the trope and Neve finding the arousal variably unwelcome, but there is no sex below the cut

The Opal Rose. Western fringe between Docktown and the lower market district. Well past midnight.

The reputation is good enough—but also bad enough that the rumors already seemed credible even before she began her investigation and found a few people willing to speak up. 

Unusually urgent arousal. Erratic behavior. Reckless spending, of course, in desperation to scratch the itch. Someone—something—has Docktown bewitched, and Neve is no prude, but who or whatever is taking advantage of her neighbors won’t get away with it.

Of course, she’s too well-recognized as a gumshoe to simply waltz in the front door; she wouldn’t make it past the bar before the perp wiped all the evidence. Fortunately, it wasn’t hard to track down a disgruntled former employee, who was more than happy to lead them to the back entrance of a back entrance in exchange for a little coin. 

Them, being herself and Templar Rana Savas.

She doesn’t quite buy that this place is harboring a desire demon, as the most dramatic version of the rumor holds… but she doesn’t quite not buy it, and in that case, it’d be risky for anyone to try and face it alone, let alone a mage. She needed backup, someone she could trust—and specifically, someone she could trust possessed enough self-control to resist enthrallment. 

Tightly wound as she is, as contained and orderly as her pristine braid, Rana fit the bill.

Rana left her heavy Templar plate in the barracks and instead donned her lighter—quieter—leather set; fortunately so, as the back passage of this place is so tight that her well-built shoulders already nearly scrape the walls, and she has to hold onto her sword to keep it from bouncing off her shapely ass and clattering against—

Neve stops short, abruptly aware of a sweet, heady humidity and an unnatural warmth wafting down the corridor.

Magic.

Suddenly close enough for Neve to smell the beeswax and mint of her lip balm, Rana leans in and whispers, “What’s wrong?” In the low red lamplight, the full apples of her cheeks are dusted in a far-too-pretty faux flush, and her lips look plump and rosy, as if freshly bitten and sucked by an eager lover.

Tearing herself away, Neve signals for Rana to be quiet so she can re-focus. With each step she guides them closer to the other end, the hallway only grows warmer and the air within it, more charged.

And, with each step, a small shock reverberates up Neve’s legs and settles between them, setting her lightly abuzz and her teeth on edge.

There have been few times in her life when Neve really resented being a mage, but she’ll surely chalk this up as one before it’s all over. Being attuned to the subtle thrum of magic in the air means she can feel it thrumming, all too well, while Rana remains oblivious and collected just an arm’s length away.

If there’s any luck left in her, they’ll finish soon. 

With the investigation. With luck, they’ll be finished soon, with the investigation.

Teeth grit, Neve continues to lead them forward. It’s hardly a minute before they come to a triple-padlocked door, but by the time they reach it, Neve is almost panting and definitely sweating underneath her ascot and coat.

Whatever this is, whatever’s doing this to her—it’s behind that door.

She nods at Rana, who in turn touches her gently on the waist—despite herself, Neve’s skin screams for the contact even through her thick layers—and guides her aside. She listens through the door for a few moments, then fishes a Templar skeleton key from her pocket. Enchanted to open any lock in Minrathous so long as it’s pursuant to orders, it makes quick work of it.

Rana then wraps one long-fingered, dextrous hand around the doorhandle, and the other around the hilt of her sword; her strong shoulder, she braces against the door, preparing to break through if need be. Neve blinks and readies her staff as well as she can with shaking fingers. But when the door swings in, the hardly-more-than-a-closet room is empty save for a workbench laden with jars, boxes, scales, and distillery equipment.

Alchemy, then.

“Love potions” may be the stuff of fairytale, but aphrodisiacs? Feel-good stuff that keeps the hips pumping and the inhibitions lowered far longer than the flesh—and purse—would ordinarily permit? Certainly not unheard of, and needless to say, an illegal use of magic. Neve knows no such brew offhand, but a handy sheet of paper pinned to the wall illuminates the simplicity of the scheme: the active ingredient is some kind of pollen that can be distilled into a spray. Spritz a bit into a room before the client enters, and it’s practically money in a bottle.

Neve would have preferred the demon. Now they’ll have to track down the suppliers, too.

At least they’ll probably be done here soon, and she’ll be able to abscond to her apartment and, well, blow off some steam.

Sighing, Neve steels her nerves and begins to look for a ledger while Rana barricades the door behind them.

The small room is stuffy and over-warm, far worse than the hallway with its proximity to the cookstation and lack of airflow. Dried bits of caked-on gunk on the workbench reveal the cook to be an amateur or at least a slob, and Neve internally curses their clumsy hand. Within minutes, her clothing comes to feel far too heavy and her skin, far too tight; she longs desperately to shed at least her outer layer and accessories, but she has more than a hunch that if she were to start to undress, it’d be difficult to stop at just one layer.

She resents Rana's freedom from the effect again; finished with the door, she joins Neve at the bench completely unawares, yet her close presence makes the effect even more pronounced. She reaches to examine the supplies, and Neve shivers and curses under her breath as a crystal-clear image of those sword-callused but meticulously-manicured hands gliding over her slick skin flashes across her mind’s eye.

It’s not—entirely new. It’s not that Rana isn’t attractive and Neve has never idly entertained the thought of them, well. But—she shakes her head, turning away, but catches another glimpse of Rana in the reflection of a glass flask, and her whole body shudders—there’s a big difference between checking someone out from time to time, and imagining one of their strong hands holding her down—she’d play at resisting, of course, but Rana is simply so much stronger—while the other—

As if on cue, Rana pulls a fist-sized drawstring pouch from a small chest and rolls it between her hands, hefting its fullness curiously before slipping two fingers into its tight velvet opening, stretching it wide open and—

Far too late, the alchemical symbol for volatile stamped all over the pouch registers through the haze in Neve’s mind. She doesn’t even have time to cover her mouth and nose before Rana, recoiling from the puff of fine pollen that surges out of the pouch and hits her in the face, drops it onto the bench with an ominous thunk and a white-hot, shimmering cloud overtakes the small room.

The wash of it is so intense that Neve reflexively touches her eyebrows and lashes to make sure they hadn’t been burnt off; to her relief, they’re intact, as is her skin even though it feels like it’s prickling with heat like a sunburn. 

But the heat is internal, and Neve swiftly realizes that she’s flushing intensely, and then the effects she’d already been bothered by slam over her like a wave: her skin tingles, her stomach flutters, her skin blooms over with sweat, her heart races…

And a pang of desire hits her like a brick to the gut, so hard it staggers her. 

She scrambles to catch the edge of the workbench to keep from crumpling to the floor, but a jittering hand grabs her by the elbow and steadies her first. Even through layers of leather and silk, the touch is searing; and even though it’s hardly an erogenous zone, the sheer pleasure of being touched at all when she needs so badly makes a humiliating squeak of a moan tumble through her lips before Neve can clap a hand over her mouth and stifle it.

Rana snatches her own hand back like she’d been bitten, the pupils of her wide eyes dilating so fast that they turn her cool green irises nearly black. She may not be brushed up on her alchemical symbols, but she at least seems to understand what she’s done; despite her deep flush—real this time, not a trick of light—she looks absolutely ashen, and scrambles away into the corner farthest as possible from Neve to hastily blow her nose into her sleeve and spit on the floor. 

That’s how Neve knows this job has really, truly gone shit-sideways. In anything even close to resembling her right mind, Templar Rana Savas would absolutely never. 

“It’s well into your system already, I’m afraid,” Neve warns through grit teeth, her grip on the bench white-knuckled. Nothing she’d gleaned from perusing the documentation strewn about indicates this stuff is harmful—nor would it make sense to maim the clientele, anyway—but, in its concentrated and unprocessed state… this experience is guaranteed to be unpleasant, to put it delicately, but precisely how or how much remains to be seen.

“Well, what else can we do?” Rana snaps over her shoulder, and Neve shudders as one explicit, tantalizing answer flashes across her mind immediately.

She should not entertain the thought—will only make it worse, surely—but. Standing just beyond her reach, Rana’s breathing is labored, rushing in and out of Neve’s ears just as it does her lungs, stretching her stiff leather jacket tight across her fit back. Neve can imagine the moment when even this trivial restriction becomes overwhelming, and could hardly blame Rana for clawing at it, her deft fingers working feverishly to free herself. Neve can’t actually see them with Rana’s back turned, but she can imagine them, and in turn, her cunt clenches so hard around nothing—empty, excruciating nothing—that it honest-to-the-Maker hurts.

It properly knocks the wind out of her, and for that Neve’s actually grateful, because it keeps her from even the remote possibility of opening her mouth to suggest…

Distress and arousal alike flood her system, raising her heart rate to a sickly, shallow race and filling her mind with static. With her every nerve peeled raw and her every sense aflame, Neve couldn’t miss the discontent rumble from the other side of the room, despite Rana’s apparent attempt to shrink enough to disappear. Neve risks the glance, and finds Rana nearly doubled-over, arms wrapped tightly around herself, her red face pressed against the cool block walls. Her attempts to cool off by removing her jacket, obviously, failed; she’s already sweated through her linen undershirt such that it clings to the muscles underneath and Neve can watch them roll, one by one, with her every breath and fidget.

Unable to bear it any longer—and besides, Rana started it (both, this mess—why did she have to fondle the damn bag!—and the undressing)—Neve finally lets herself whip off her fascinator, ascot, and leather gauntlets. Her overcoat, she wrenches open with such clumsy urgency that one of its studded buttons pops off and plinks across the floor, a tiny tinny sound that may as well have been a gaatlok explosion to her harried senses.

Rana’s nerves must be fried, too, or at least this situation hasn’t dampened her usual level of vigilance; she turns around briskly at the clatter, hand hovering over her sword, in just enough time to watch Neve also yank open her high collar and top buttons, exposing the slick column of her throat, the notch of her collarbone, and the hint of the swell of her breasts clinging to the plane of her chest.

Her stare is so intense that Neve can feel it needling her skin like a tattoo, following the exact path of a drop of sweat that meanders down from her throat to the underside of her breast with a hawk’s focus. Rana’s full lips lull open, panting; and then she grimaces, and her legs seem to tremble with the effort of holding herself up, or… perhaps. Back. 

It’s enough of a foothold for Neve’s overwhelming need to seize control, overriding her better judgment and shattering the remainder of her hope that she may escape this excursion with her dignity intact.

“Rana,” she breathes cautiously, her voice so thick with desire that she hardly recognizes herself. Perhaps that’s for the better. “We—,” she starts, and grimaces through another painful throb, this one even more urgent than the last, “—I think we can make this more… bearable.” 

“You can reverse it?” Rana asks, through great effort tearing her gaze off Neve’s tits to look her in the eye, her voice raspy but hopeful. She looks on the verge of collapse, leaning heavily into the wall. Fidgeting, seemingly desperate to do anything with her hands but what her own addled mind is undoubtedly suggesting, she pushes her sleeves up to the elbow, rubbing absently at her own skin. From the heat, or perhaps from how hard she’d been clutching them, the muscles and veins or her hands and forearms all have popped under her skin, glowing with a light dew of sweat.

After an embarrassingly long pause, during which Neve realizes she’d been leering—and salivating—rather than answering, Neve manages to reply, “No. Sorry.” 

Rana groans, and it’s no different than her usual complaining, but it sounds so good that Neve fears she might actually be going insane. Rushing ahead of her self-consciousness, she continues, “But, I think if we… It might be over with faster, if we… got it out of our systems.”

The roundabout suggestion isn’t lost on Rana; her jaw drops, scandalized, and crosses her arms defensively. “If we—I’m working!” 

As grave and humiliating as the overall situation feels, Neve can’t help but chuckle and, half-horrified to have said it before she’s even finished saying it, teases, “Oh, and you never think about throwing me up against a wall whenever we work together?”

Quick as a whip, Rana retorts, “Sure, Neve, and you spend half the time investigating my ass because you like my pants.”

Judging by the way her eyes widen in disbelief and her ears turn fully red, the quip slipped past her self-control just like Neve’s did hers. In any ordinary circumstance, Neve would be mortified—maybe she slightly undersold ‘checking someone out from time to time’ mentally, but surely she’s not that careless!—but in this bizarre one, she finds the callout… thrilling. 

[What would have happened next: 

Having accidentally acknowledged that they ordinarily are attracted to each other, the energy shifts slightly. 

A pang of arousal staggers Rana, and this time Neve catches her. The contact gives them both such relief + a feeling of light euphoria that becomes clear Neve was right, and that it’s the way to stop the agony.

Rana tries to rationalize everything like “they can still be professional after” and blah blah but Neve pushes her against the wall and kisses her to cut her off (classic)

They finger or grind or whatever

As soon as they’re both done, they feel weird about it but Neve can’t quite find it in her to regret it

They agree to pretend it never happened even though it's clear neither of them are quite satisfied with that conclusion (pro move) 

Back in her apartment, Neve can’t help but write up some notes on “the Opal Rose case” in her journal but tells herself it’s just any other case and pretends she doesn’t feel Some Type of Way about it]

[enigmainvestigations]

Long version. Get ready for this to take

If you have no idea what the hell this is, you need to go read the ask post. It's the one right before this one, so not hard to find.

Right, so I think I'll break this down to make it easier for myself.

1. I have changed This might not seem like a big deal, but I think it could be a big factor in working on this anymore. To be entirely honest, I'm kind of an asshole now with a very stark view on things. I also have way less of a filter. I think that it's kinda mean to just unleash now me on everyone, especially all of the people who were used to communicating with me before. None of y'all did anything, so that just seems unnecessary.

2. The whole Batman thing I already said most of this in the short version, so I'll just continue off of that. I have nothing to bring me back into comics, let alone Batman specifically. I don't think going back to the older stuff would help either. To be fair, I've always preferred the older stuff anyway, but I think that it's still too fresh in my mind. I think my brain would get bored, rather than inspired. With the absolute lack of any new content to draw me back in, I think that I'd be stuck just with my own story. Which, again, is kind of the big problem. That wasn't the point of the story. That's not what all of this is about, so why even bother? 3. I do want to do something with this whole thing. This whole project has been a huge torn in my side ever since I stopped working on it. It really does drive me nuts. Normally, I can just drop something and move on. I do it all the time. I'm an artist, we are famous for not completing things. But this project has always bothered me. I think that it's because so much of it was created for the exact purpose of being shared and for the fans. It's something that we spent a lot of time on, and I do think that there's stuff in it that fans will at least find interesting. It's gotta get out there, somehow. Maybe it will inspire someone else to do a project. Maybe it will just spark a conversation between a couple of fans. Who knows, but it needs to be out there.

I think that's the biggest part of this long version. I feel like I have this thing that needs to be shared, but I don't know how to do it. But also, I don't really want to share something that isn't what it's supposed to be. A weird, twisted version of it, all because I'm bored and want to make it interesting for myself. But, who knows, that might end up being way better than what I had originally intended. I also might be way more willing to take risks than I was before. But, at the same time, the original version was pretty carefully crafted to be VERY comic booky. I really wanted it to feel like you were reading a comic. Even if it wasn't really what I wanted, or even if it was kinda dumb, that stuff existed because that's how comics are. They can just be really silly. It's what makes them fun. So I just don't know. This is why I keep flip-flopping on this decision.

4. Another thing I should add in here: don't expect any art. I don't draw anymore. So whatever happens is going to happen without artwork.

5. Options:

Continuing I feel like I've rambled enough about why I think this would potentially be a bad idea, so I won't ramble about that anymore. I will say that if I do continue, I am definitely going to cut this down and make it much shorter. That doesn't really affect you all that much. It's not like we told you how long it was supposed to be. But there are a few seasons in there that I think I will just chuck out entirely so I can get to the point faster. I might even not do entire seasons, so then I can add the interesting stuff from those cut seasons into just episodes.

Bulk posts There's just a lot of explaining to do with this one. Here's the thing, Season 3 is basically written. I think I have 3 or 4 episodes left to write in it, but it's mostly done. The issue with that is that I started to lose inspiration at a certain point and I have big shoes to fill there. I will have to come up with a lot of things to keep the flow of that season going, and to tie everything up by the end. So picking up where I left off is going to be a big hurdle, and I have no idea what is going to come out of it. But if I do the bulk posts, then I can just post the finish episodes, then fill in explanation of what was supposed to happen rather than having to actually write it. See? That's kinda what I'm getting at here.

There's future episodes I wrote too, and I know there's episodes that I do want to write, only because they'd be really fun. So it'd be this mix of explanation and episodes. I would probably have to post this stuff on AO3 though. They'd be VERY bulky. But then you'd get what was supposed to happen. All of it. It just wouldn't be written written. I hope that makes sense. I am bad at explaining things today.

I don't think this is everything, and I'm pretty sure this is just all over the place and doesn't make sense, but whatever. I'm gonna post it so it doesn't just sit in my drafts for eternity

[wovenstarlight]

I got an interesting anonymous ask on the SFS Tumblr asking about the reasoning behind a bunch of Yoohyun's decisions that had… less-than-stellar outcomes, let's say? (LMAO.) and I'd like to keep the TL blog clean so I'm answering Anon here. I'm gonna post their ask in full for reference, because the answers to each individual question overlap:

Hi, thank you very much for your time, energy and effort. What you are doing is really amazing and admirable. I know you are busy enough and I shouldn't trouble you, but after reading the manhwa, I had questions about Yoohyun's logic and sentiment, and I became more confused after reading the novel and I don't know who to ask. Please ignore my message if it's to much trouble. 1: Why doesn't Yoohyun spend the last years of his life on earth peacefully with Yoojin, even though he knows that the world will end soon? 2: What did Yoohyun accomplish by leaving and humiliating Yoojin that he was persistent to do it for so many years? 3: Why instead of using his forces and technologies to protect Yoojin, he announces to the world that it is open season on him and he is worthless? (Normaly no one dares to harm the family of an S class but Yoohyun expose Yoojin to danger by abandoning him.) 4: Why does Yoohyun stop protecting Yoojin when the most dangerous part of Yoojin's life as an F class hunter begins? (Using his influence he could easily ban Yoojin from entering dungeons. Or he could have secretly formed a group of the most powerful hunters to go with Yoojin to dungeons. This way he could have provided him with everything he needed and keep him safe. That is, if he had any intention of protecting him.) 5: Why would Yoohyun gain all that resources, power, wealth and connections and he sit around and does nothing so that Yoojin would face death every day and rot in the basement? He gain all that for what, if not for protecting Yoojin? 6: Why doesn't he ever change his procedure or provide new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons? (Yoojin has no chance for a peaceful life due to not having a degree and being a notorious person. And he doesn't know about that cult.) Yoojin got to see his 30 years old birthday cause the cult didn't feel like killing him and he took care of himself in dungeons and was lucky that only his legs broke. So why would Yoohyun identify as a doting brother? The more I think about it the less I understand.

(crossposted on AO3, if you'd prefer to read there)

Okay, so, I'm really prone to rambling at length and this is a subject I have strong feelings on, so I'll give you a very short version of my answer in bullet points, and then a longer version with proper chapter-specific references and full explanations of what I think was going on.

Yoohyun wants to repay Yoojin for all the care and love he's given him, but as a 17-year-old, he doesn't have much social power

Yoohyun's Awakening puts himself and anyone he loves (i.e. Yoojin) in a dangerous position, because while he has individual physical power as an S-rank, he still lacks social power and also can't singlehandedly protect Yoojin 24/7

Yoohyun, in all his rash 17-year-old glory, takes the drastic action of cutting off Yoojin, planning to build up enough power to protect Yoojin and then reunite with him. Yoojin, as just your ordinary everyday 22-year-old, faces no risks other than people targeting him in order to hurt Yoohyun (I don't agree that no one would dare to harm the family of an S-rank, for reasons I'll elaborate on later in the long answer), so if Yoohyun's not close to Yoojin, then that cuts it down to "no risks at all", right…? So tell the media, tell the world, that no, Han Yoohyun doesn't give a shit about Han Yoojin. Yoohyun assumes he'll be able to explain it all to Yoojin one day and that he'll understand. (This should answer your Question 2 and Q3.)

But it doesn't work out as expected. Yoohyun thought it'd take much less time to establish his position than it does in reality (the assumed 4-ish years ended up as 6+ years). Also, Yoojin's gone from trying to make up with Yoohyun in a way that'll let them be together again (not going to happen, because Yoohyun's still not ready to bring Yoojin back into the fold) to being in his own terrible situation, so he's started lashing out at Yoohyun. So even if Yoohyun was in a stable enough situation to try reconciling with him, Yoojin might not be open to it by this point

Somewhere along the way, Yoohyun learns from the filial duty addict Diarma the world is going to end. He doesn't drop everything and go to live with Yoojin because even now, there's still the concern that maybe Yoohyun won't be able to protect Yoojin from everything, and maybe Yoojin doesn't want Yoohyun around, anyway. There's no use in going to live with Yoojin if it'll just end up getting Yoojin killed through Yoohyun's inaction (Q1).

So Yoohyun keeps maintaining his guild and his power so he can keep protecting Yoojin from what he thinks are the Real Threats. (Because the worlds of low- and high-rank Hunters are VERY different. Yoohyun probably assumes that because Yoojin's not facing the high-rank Hunter dangers, he's facing no dangers—a stupid but understandable mistake, given that Yoojin also assumed the exact same thing in reverse about Yoohyun! It sucks, it really does, but I really do think Yoohyun just… didn't realize just how bad it was.) (Q5) And the world can end whenever it wants; if there's no challenging it, then at least Yoohyun's kept Yoojin safe in the meantime.

And the one danger they have in common, dungeons—you suggest Yoohyun banning Yoojin from entering any, but Yoohyun's cut himself off from Yoojin entirely, remember. Trying to interfere in his life would be met with (a) STRONG rejection by a deeply hurt Yoojin who doesn't understand why Yoohyun thinks he has any say in Yoojin's life anymore, and (b) interest by Yoohyun's rivals, who'd wonder why he's trying to keep his hyung away from dangers when he says he doesn't care about that hyung's wellbeing, putting Yoojin right back in their crosshairs. (Q4)

Also, the immoral people have been killing Caregivers of S-ranks. Diarma might have told Yoohyun about this. If he did, then Yoohyun's goals would definitely have gone from "stay strong and one day reconcile with hyung" to "NEVER get close to hyung, because there are beings outside this world, much more powerful than anything I can match in a reasonable timespan, who will 100% kill him". At which point, even if Yoohyun had wanted to reconcile with him, or compromise by just adjusting his plan and talking to Yoojin a little more, or literally anything past making a show of total and complete indifference, he couldn't have without knowingly risking Yoojin's life. (Q6)

You and I and all the other S-Ranks readers, removed from this situation as we are, can think of half a dozen ways Yoohyun could probably have gotten around things. But the simple fact is that in that situation, under that much pressure, with that much emotional attachment to his brother and literally everything that mattered to him at stake if he fucked up in the tiniest of ways—forget making perfect decisions, there was absolutely no way Yoohyun was going to do anything other than what seemed least risky. Because to do otherwise would be risking Yoojin’s life and therefore his own. And the choices you’ve already mades, the path you’re already on—no matter how bad it is for you, no matter how bad it is for the people you love, no matter how much it hurts—will always, always be less risky than the unknown path, because at least this way, you know what dangers to expect and brace for. At the core of the matter, it’s just that… the path that was best for Yoojin's happiness wasn't the path that was best for Yoojin's life expectancy, you see? And Yoojin can't be happy if he's dead. Yoohyun can't be alive if Yoojin's dead. That's all it came down to.

……oh my god that was so long actually. And that was supposed to be the TL;DR. The long version is going to be SO long. I hope you like reading 50-page passionate essays. There's a poll at the end, you can look forward to that!!!

(Also, okay, before we jump into the Deep End. Two disclaimers.

Anon, you said you read the manhwa and novel, but I read only the novel, so some of my chapter references might be unfamiliar. I know they shuffled events around a little in the webtoon, too, so I'll try and describe the general events so you can find any webtoon parallels.

Yoojin's a REALLY unreliable narrator and definitely doesn't know a lot of what Yoohyun's gone through. Part of that is because there's things he has no way to pick up on or deduce; part of that is because he wants to not think about Yoohyun going through bad shit; part of that is because Yoohyun doesn't want Yoojin worrying about him and has actively hidden the worse parts of his life from him. So a fair part of what I'm talking about is going to be reading between the lines and extrapolating.

Okay, disclaimers done!) Now on to the long version with references. Let's go point-by-point based on the TL;DR.

#1: Yoohyun wanting to repay Yoojin

I mean, the skill's called Last/Final Repayment! Isn't that enough? Where did you think that came from? There certainly wasn't anything Yoojin wanted to repay Yoohyun for.

Okay, no, more seriously. Yoohyun and Yoojin have grown up with only each other to depend on. Yoohyun has watched Yoojin take care of him alone their whole lives, with no outside support, keeping a roof over their head and their stomachs filled. For Yoohyun's sake, Yoojin has given up:

A complete education, with Yoojin having "dropped out of school to take care of his little brother", as mentioned in chapter 1.

A proper social life. In chapter 25, Yoojin says his friends in his early 20s were "middle-aged factory workers" instead of people his own age.

Hobbies. He says to Yerim and Myeongwoo in chapter 45 that one of his "few hobbies" is taking spam calls, but his character profile from the E-books volume 1 confirms it's his only hobby, and one that's now fading… which leaves him with zero personal interests. (The spam calling thing is almost certainly something that sprouted from loneliness in the years that the brothers were separated, by the way. After all, why would Yoojin waste time listening to some stranger on the phone talk to him about something he doesn’t care about? Most likely because there isn’t—wasn’t—really anyone else who’s willing to talk to him, anymore.)

The sole birthday present of "a 10,000 won bill to buy something tasty to have with his friends" he got from their parents, which "would be used for Han Yoohyun’s birthday. As [it was] every year", as mentioned in chapter 239, during Yoohyun’s flashback to childhood.

And Yoohyun, a helpless child, could only watch as Yoojin gave up all of that, to no real benefit of his own, just to focus all his attention and resources on supporting Yoohyun.

By the time he was in middle school, Yoohyun was already talking about becoming a doctor since it'd be "advantageous in a lot of aspects"; he says he "just wanted to make it so you [Yoojin] could live comfortably" (chapter 258). Yoojin wouldn't have to be the sole earner, and would've been able to pursue his own happiness as well as Yoohyun's. Yoohyun wants very badly for Yoojin to not have to worry about him anymore. It makes sense that that sentiment would remain even after he Awakened.

#2: Yoohyun's Awakening

And boy what an Awakening it was! Straight from a random orphaned kid with zero social life and decent grades to one of the world's most desirable and dangerous individuals, basically overnight. He has none of the social sway that the rich and well-connected Sung Hyunjae or the professional athletes Moon Hyuna and Choi Sukwon do, and he refuses to get the help of big corporations like Choi Sukwon and Bak Mingyu (and Yoon Kyeongsoo? I forget if Soodam was also a corp-backed guild). So he's got no power, but he's also declared his intent to create a guild, and that combined with his nature as a born S-rank makes people perceive him as a threat. Maybe not so much in the early days, when people think he's just an arrogant, stupid kid who's going to crash and burn, but definitely more so as time passed, which Sung Hyunjae confirms in chapter 152:

“Wasn’t [Han Yoohyun] at the age where one faces a lot of problems, starting out living alone?” […] “He wasn’t even alone, strictly speaking. I heard Team Head Seok and the others joined Haeyeon early on.” I heard that Seok Simyeong had visited Yoohyun-ie even before Haeyeon was founded. He was still annoying, but I had to give him his share of the credit for Haeyeon. Sung Hyunjae gave a small nod at my words. “Even so, it isn’t easy for a latecomer to find his place.” “That’s… You’re right.” “For the first year or so, it was easier. Since most of them said Haeyeon wouldn’t be able to properly establish itself.” Sung Hyunjae also said he hadn’t been interested in Haeyeon—in Yoohyun-ie—at the time, either. “The problem arose when it started to become a major guild.”

The second the initial "LOL, this has got to be a joke, right?" blinders come off, he's at risk. And he would've known that this would happen right from the start—Yoohyun's smart enough that he would've understood the lack of attacks was just because they didn't see him as a real threat yet.

So, again: a latecomer on the scene with no power and no experience to his name, and seen as a threat to deal with. No social connections means he has no one to rely on to help him with Yoojin's protection: it's up to him alone. And even S-ranks have to eat and sleep and use the bathroom and do half a dozen other things that would pull him away from Yoojin's side, not to mention the all-important requirement of raiding dungeons, which Yoohyun himself admits in chapter 71 was one of his main concerns:

“Once I start a raid on an S-rank dungeon, I’ll be gone for a week […]. Me… avoiding you… was also largely due to the S-rank dungeon raid time. Since, obviously, I can’t look after you once I go into the dungeon.”

So Yoohyun himself can't just stay by Yoojin's side as his bodyguard 24/7. He'd have to leave him unattended for, at minimum, whole weeks. Which means he doesn't have a reliable, sure way to keep his hyung safe.

#3: Cutting off Yoojin, and the risks to an S-rank's family

And that's not even mentioning his own safety. What happens when Yoohyun's hurt and can't help with guarding Yoojin? And he will be hurt, either by dungeon raids or other people. If you don't think that second one is a concern, as early as chapter 6, when Yoojin and Yoohyun are having their first meal together, Yoojin asks about Yoohyun's ability to cook, and he says he taught himself:

“I’ve got items for detoxification and de-cursing, now, but I didn’t have them before. So making my own food felt safer. Even now, when I enter dungeons, I bring dried rations I made myself. Since it’s most dangerous inside dungeons.” “…Detoxification? De-cursing?” What was I hearing right now? As in, there were bastards who’d poison and curse his food, so he had to make it himself… that sort of thing?

Yoohyun himself, a strong, healthy S-rank with a good constitution and one hell of a temper, was at risk of being poisoned and cursed through something as everyday as food. You said that normally, no one would dare attack the family of an S-rank—but if people are willing to attack the S-rank himself, knowing that he'll kill them for sure if it fails and he learns they're behind it, then what's stopping them from attacking the S-rank's family?

There's two points you could argue:

Yoohyun says in the chapter 6 conversation that "It’s a major crime for an Awakened person to target an Unawakened person, so I made them think it wasn’t worth it to risk going after you." But that'd only last for the 3 years up until Yoojin Awakened, and honestly, there's a real risk that anyone targeting Yoojin before that time would just be rich or socially connected enough that they could make the charges go away.

The other argument that if they attack an S-rank's beloved family and that fails, now the S-rank is coming after them with a vengeance, and he's not even suffering from the aftermath of poisoning or a curse to weaken him in the slightest, so that might scare them off. But, like… people do stupid things when they're desperate. In that kidnapping where Yoojin met the Krecke Blackie (chapters 46–49), sure, Yoojin had his own special skills that made him valuable, but he also had five major guilds and the Association all dedicated to his protection. That's several times the protection a single S-rank could offer, and some idiots who weren't even in a desperate situation still tried to go after him for benefits similar to what you'd get from having leverage over an S-rank. So I really don't think anything would stop people from threatening Yoojin. If anything, the combined facts of Yoohyun starting out from a weak position, Yoohyun obviously caring about Yoojin, and Yoojin being so much weaker than Yoohyun would make that the best option by far, if you wanted to hurt Yoohyun. After all, it’s not like Unawakened F-rank Yoojin can fight back himself, and again, Yoohyun isn’t going to fight you if it would risk Yoojin’s life.

So, Yoohyun goes "if I distance myself from hyung and make people think it WON'T hurt me for him to be hurt, then people have no reason to target him!" and follows through. I do think this was a stupid move on his part, even if he intended to explain it all to Yoojin eventually, because by not letting him in on the secret right from the start, he guaranteed that Yoojin would be hurt and upset by his sole remaining family member seemingly abandoning him for better prospects. Which leads Yoojin to start making his own stupid moves, which snowballs into a series of bad decisions on both their parts, and so on… but we'll get to that in a minute. The problem, I think, is that this plan could've worked, if only Yoohyun had told Yoojin at the start, so that Yoojin knew not to draw attention to himself. Maybe they could've done regular calls on burner phones or something, to stay in touch, and they'd have been happier that way.

Unfortunately that didn't happen. Why? Because, as Yoohyun states in that same conversation in chapter 6, he "didn’t want to burden" Yoojin. Yoohyun's desire to protect Yoojin is not just physical, but also mental/emotional—he doesn't want Yoojin to know that Yoohyun's going through all this trouble of leaving home and dealing with threats to his life and making big decisions, because he doesn't want Yoojin to worry.

[EDIT: And actually, thinking back over this, do you realize—Yoojin always talks about how Yoohyun was a delight of a child to raise, never complaining, never throwing tantrums, wonderfully behaved and always doing as he was told. Enough so that Moon Hyuna has to tell him, explicitly, in Chapter 43, that that’s not normal, in those exact words:

“He was a good younger brother who never needed to be scolded. Ever since he was little, he listened well and didn’t worry me…….” “You said you were the one to raise him, right? After you lost your parents early. That’s not normal.” She clicked her tongue and continued. “A good, obedient little brother from a poor family without parents. That sort of thing doesn’t even appear in children’s fairy tales these days. Because it’s not realistic.” “I mean, to go that far—” “Kids are kids. They get frustrated and angry if there’s something lacking, they make trouble to get attention, they compare themselves with others, and beyond begging their parents to buy them something they want, they might even resent them. Parents might still think their kids are cute, but brothers? To them, they’re just enemy bastards; I also have a younger sibling, so I know. Of course, there are brothers and sisters who get along. In peaceful households where their parents take good care of them. Even then, it’s not like they never fight. Younger brothers in particular are a type that need to be put in their place; older siblings the world across would probably agree.”

This suggests that Yoohyun and Yoojin have never, ever, EVER experienced conflict on major life decisions. Not once have they argued about Yoohyun making choices that Yoojin wouldn’t like. Which means Yoohyun approached cutting off Yoojin with a very particular mindset, and I have some guesses as to what exactly that mindset was. Do you think he hoped Yoojin would understand that his perennially well-behaved brother would have some reason for leaving home? Do you think he just… didn’t know how to approach telling Yoojin about his choice, knowing it’d upset him so much, so he simply didn’t and hoped for the best? Or was it something else entirely?

Either way: Yoohyun absolutely did not know what would come of this choice. He definitely did not expect just how hard it would be on Yoojin. At the time, he was probably just wanting to spare Yoojin the heartache of their first major argument about Yoohyun’s life choices.] And it's that very desire to not bother him with the knowledge of how much Yoohyun's suffering that eventually makes things go wrong and both of them suffer for it.

#4: Yoohyun's strategy failing

What do we know about Yoohyun's plan going wrong? We know that Yoohyun intended to wipe out his enemies before even thinking about allowing Yoojin into danger. In that conversation in chapter 6, he tells Yoojin to wait "just 1 year" and to basically live in confinement, locked up safe inside Haeyeon, until Yoohyun's done. Combined with the 3 years since the dungeons appearing and Yoohyun Awakening, that means he thought it'd take maybe 4 years in total, with hurrying at the end to accommodate Yoojin already being involved with him again. Yoojin says in narration that pre-regression, it took him 3 years instead of the 1 he's proposing, which puts us at a total of 6 years minimum before Yoohyun could even think about reuniting with Yoojin.

But, of course, a lot can and did happen in those 6 years. Within the first 3, the brothers' relationship had deteriorated enough that Yoojin blocked Yoohyun's number, as mentioned in chapter 32 by Yoohyun to Yoojin during novice Hunter training:

“You got angry and told me not to call, remember? You even blocked my number.”

Why was Yoojin angry? See chapter 158, when Yoohyun was temporarily amnesiac due to Jellyfish's fog:

“I’m certain I told you not to come near me.” …I remembered. When I’d heard that, I’d blocked Yoohyun’s number, telling him not to call me back.

Yoohyun's repeated refusal to tell Yoojin about his plans, just telling him they had to stay apart, only worsened their relationship. And while Yoohyun did attempt to reach out and help Yoojin in ways such as sending him money to cover living expenses (probably hoping to repair their rapidly deteriorating relationship), that also made it worse, with Yoojin rejecting all of those attempts. As he explains in chapter 274, during the flashbacks induced by Jellyfish in their fight:

Gritting my teeth, I sent back the money Yoohyun-ie sent me without even laying a finger on it. To the me of that time, it was horrible money that my young brother had as good as traded his life for. Yoohyun-ie wanted me to accept living expenses and stay safe, but I believed my brother was being sent to his own death and could never accept it.

It isn't like Yoohyun didn't try to reach out. He did. The problem was that all of his attempts were undercut by his continued refusal to tell Yoojin why he had distanced himself, such that all those attempts at staying in touch only rubbed salt in the wound of being abandoned. And as early as 3 years in, by his own admission in chapter 6, Yoohyun starts to think that things have gotten so bad that even if he tries to confess everything now, Yoojin might not "be understanding". He might not be willing to let go of his hurt and resentment to reconcile with him.

So should he stop reaching out, then? Surely there's still hope that they can reconcile in the future. Someday, maybe, when Yoohyun's sure he can protect Yoojin, even if Yoojin doesn't want to be with/near him.

#5: Learning about the world ending

Only, there's a deadline imposed by the end of the world, which Yoohyun learns about from filial duty addict Diarma. Part of the contract with the filial duty addicts, as Sung Hyunjae explains in chapter 102, is not interfering with said end of the world. Actually, the contractors have to give "their word that they’ll eliminate obstacles" i.e. other people fighting against the end of the world, so Yoohyun can't do anything about this deadline. This gives him a limited amount of time in which he can "eventually" reconcile with Yoojin.

So, as you ask, Anon, why not spend that limited time with his brother? Well, just because there's an end of the world approaching—which Yoohyun can't even talk about! L-rank contract, remember—doesn't mean that Yoojin is 🌟magically🌟 going to get any less mad about Yoohyun abandoning him for several years than before. Yoohyun still doesn't want to explain, so that argument is absolutely not getting resolved.

Even if he tries to explain vaguely that there's some threat and that he'd like Yoojin to live with him or at least accept his offers of protection and security, what happens if Yoojin refuses? Yoohyun clearly isn't willing to violate Yoojin's desires too far, since the most certain way to keep him safe would be to lock him up in a vault somewhere inside Haeyeon and never let anyone else see him, but that would trample all over his free will and happiness, not to mention it'd ruin Yoohyun's "live normally and happily with hyung" goals. So he'll have to let Yoojin stay out in the world, while all of Yoohyun's rivals and enemies are still out there, watching the Haeyeon Guild Leader reach out to his brother and wondering if they've reconciled. At that point, it doesn't matter if they actually have made up or not. If someone even suspects that Yoojin is close to Yoohyun, then they'll target him on the off-chance that it's true. And if Yoojin did refuse Yoohyun's offers, which he's almost certain to, then he's defenseless against whatever attacks come. And they will come. In chapter 6, Yoohyun admitted that a single visit to Haeyeon Guild by Yoojin, willing or unwilling, would be enough to get attention on him:

“But if I directly give orders for you to be brought in and allowed to live within Haeyeon Guild, my enemies will start to actively target you. Even with you just being here right now, I’m sure they’ll already have started keeping an eye on you.”

Think of it from Yoohyun's enemies' perspective. If Yoohyun cares about Yoojin, attacking Yoojin gives you leverage over Yoohyun. If Yoohyun doesn't care about Yoojin, then he won't care if you're attacking Yoojin, so you'll face no retaliation from him. Yoohyun's enemies have nothing to lose from this, while Yoohyun has everything to lose. So, in this situation, it'd be better to take the least risky path: just don't engage with Yoojin at all.

And, also, even if he'd decided to take that risk, there's a different one when it comes to actually figuring out a system to guard Yoojin. This point is more speculation, but I do think Yoohyun might have struggled with deciding when he'd done enough for Yoojin's protection. Because the reality is that Yoojin was never, ever going to be 100% safe from all dangers ever. Again, the vault method is the only way Yoohyun could achieve that. Yoohyun could've put together any amount of high-rank Hunters as Yoojin's exclusive security detail, and he'd still have to leave him alone with these potentially corruptible strangers for a full week at a time during every S-rank dungeon raid. I suspect there was a real risk of Yoohyun continuously going "I just need to get a bit stronger and a bit more established" indefinitely, without ever reaching a point where he was actually satisfied. (Which, if this was indeed a risk in canon, would be overridden in the post-regression timeline by Yoojin's keyword usage making Yoohyun's desire to live with him again and uncertainty about Yoojin's response win out over the urge to keep obsessing over safeguards.)

#6: What counts as a "real" threat

When it comes to Yoohyun's need to defend Yoojin against threats, there's also an important aspect you need to consider, which is: what threats? You see, the worlds of low-rank and high-rank Hunters are very different, to the point where Yoohyun seems to completely overlook some aspects of what Yoojin's used to dealing with, while Yoojin explicitly notes on multiple occasions that he didn't even realize Yoohyun faced certain dangers. As always, we come back to the poisoning attempts mentioned in chapter 6, the first time Yoojin realizes Yoohyun was suffering his own ordeals. This sort of sneaky threat gets reiterated in chapter 11, after Yoojin's trip to the Hunter Mall, when Yoohyun tells him he can't even take a simple drink from any public vendor because it might be poisoned (not something that'd work on Yoohyun himself, but it certainly would on those lower-ranked people around him who he cares about). No, not even in a government-sponsored location like the Association, because even these locations are filled with other guilds' spies and informants. Yoojin's internal response is essentially "what sort of underhanded bullshit is this", and out loud he questions Yoohyun about it:

“But would they do that sort of thing in none other than the Association? If they get caught, the backlash will be huge.” And if Awakened people couldn’t trust the Association, it’d end up hurting the guilds, too. “Of course they wouldn’t make trouble inside the Association. But it’s possible to have their target sent away in an ambulance or police car.” “…And then that ambulance or police car goes missing?” “You’re getting it.”

And Yoojin literally thinks, not a paragraph later, that this is maybe too much even for him:

Somehow, the further things went, the more I felt like I should stop being involved with this brat Yoohyun-ie and go off to live on my own.

Better the dangers you know than the ones you don't, but in Yoojin's words.

Everyone in the high-rank sphere is, well, high-rank. Strong and resilient even when they don't have defensive skills, to say nothing of when they do. They face threats, yes, Real Threats that pose danger to them and risk their safety and status, including threats from other people—Song Taewon mentions to Yoojin in chapter 83 that he's investigated Yoohyun for murder multiple times a year—but because they're so strong, those threats come in the form of dungeon monsters or social attacks, not actual physical harm. Especially not physical harm from other people; like, chapter 75 mentions there's laws against S-rank Hunters going into dungeons together for fear that they might hurt or kill each other, so unless they encounter each other in a dungeon break region where combat is expected (or pick fights with Chief Song, an S-rank duty-bound to fight other S-ranks), they're never really going to encounter personal threats from other Hunters.

Take all that through the lens of protecting Yoojin: he's just some guy, he's not involved in the social/political Hunter Hunger Games, so he's probably fine on that front, right? And otherwise, Yoohyun just needs to protect him from dungeons (keep Yoojin out of them when possible, prevent breaks in his area), and maybe just some general watching out for Yoojin getting himself into anything risky, since he's so weak as an F-rank. That's all the threats Yoohyun sees on a daily basis, so that's probably it, right?

Wrong. Low-rank Hunters have their own set of threats they face, and while a part of that is dungeons and monsters, a very large part of that is also just… being easy to kill, in a community of people very ready to kill. Low-rank Hunters murder each other a hell of a lot more than high-rank Hunters get to even hurt, let alone kill, each other. Think about how easily the knowledge of dungeons being good body disposal spots comes to Yoojin (chapter 19, when threatening Yerim's uncle). Think about the way Yoojin talks about being pressured into slave contracts and miner guilds, and how common it seems to be for low-rank Hunters to be maimed and disabled and left in the lurch (chapters 21 and 22, saving Yoo Myeongwoo from Hope Resources Guild). Think about chapter 49, where Yoohyun claims there's strong camaraderie among high-rank Hunters, and Yoojin responds with this:

Comradeship, huh. There was no such concept in low-rank Hunter teams. Of course, it wasn’t like there were no good people around. The problem was that they all died before long. There were fixed low-rank teams united through trust and friendship, but it was very rare that they lasted. With how strongly they banded together, if one of them died, they couldn’t endure the shock and would fall apart; and even if that didn’t happen, if they were doing well for themselves, they’d be attacked from the outside by the many Hunters who’d find them unpleasant. But a high-rank dungeon raiding team that suffered few such accidents could form a sense of comradeship and keep staying together.

Low-rank Hunters will get killed by monsters, or survive only to get killed by the loss of their teams, or find good teams only to get killed by other jealous low-ranks, or (in Yoojin's experience) survive multiple team-wide killings only to get ostracized and distrusted for being suspiciously good at surviving (almost like you're the one setting up your teams to fail! really makes you wonder, doesn't it?), or, or, or…

High-rank Hunters just… survive. That's it.

Of course Yoohyun wouldn't know to protect Yoojin from these threats. He's never faced them. To him, fighting other people is a fun, challenging pastime, where no one being allowed to kill each other is an unspoken rule that goes implicitly understood. He wouldn't realize how it was very much not fun for Yoojin; maybe he'd know it intellectually, but I don't think he'd understand, not without getting up close and personal to see Yoojin struggle with it, which he can't do himself. If he tries to send someone to spy on or just generally help out his brother, Yoojin's primed by his experiences to distrust the people around him, so spies won't get anything out of him, and any strong Hunter handpicked by Yoohyun to help his hyung might simply be unable to gain Yoojin's trust. (Picking out a whole team of strong Hunters? Even if Yoojin trusts them, they'd probably end up victimized by jealous Hunters. Rinse and repeat.) You must also take into account that Yoojin's been made enough of a target by society that he's hiding every weakness someone could potentially exploit. Hell, if he's hiding well enough, you might think he's doing just fine.

And in the time period where it would be blatantly obvious that Yoojin was not fine, that early period right when he Awakened and turned into society's scapegoat overnight? That was when Yoohyun and Haeyeon were also being targeted, and wouldn't have been able to spare the kind of attention and help Yoojin would've needed, not with all the scrutiny they were all being subjected to. Actually, when Yoojin's reminiscing about these times in chapter 59, he hypothesizes it might've been Yoohyun's rivals themselves who were behind the scapegoating:

At that time, it would’ve been hard for that guy to look out for me. Public opinion wasn’t good in many ways, and there were too many scrutinizing eyes for him to secretly look after me. Now that I thought about it, I wondered if there wasn’t some sort of operation targeting me. The response was too excessive to have simply been the work of a few trash journalists. It was a matter that could be packaged excitingly, I was an F-rank which made me easy to use, and at that time, it could drag down Haeyeon Guild in the public opinion. Whether it was the government, the Association, or rival guilds, they’d have been fools not to use me.

If it was Yoohyun's rivals behind it, then by fighting on the Haeyeon front, Yoohyun might actually have been keeping Yoojin safe, too. How do we know he didn't actually mitigate the suffering to some degree? We haven't heard from Yoohyun about his side of things during this time, so we don't have a definite answer one way or another.

Certainly, Seok Simyeong didn't help at all by making a public statement denouncing Yoojin, especially not when it was so bad Yoojin admits to almost being suicidal over it (chapter 19)! But, well, it was a busy time. We don't know whether Yoohyun was consulted on that one, or if it was something they rushed in order to get ahead of the situation. It might also be that Yoohyun was consulted and made the choice that they'd publicly denounce Yoojin but privately offer him support, only for Yoojin to reject it as he did before with the money Yoohyun sent. Yoojin's done this before, where he conveniently doesn't mention a detail about a scenario until it becomes immediately relevant!

I cannot emphasize enough that we don't have Yoohyun's perspective on this. We don't know what he was doing or not doing to help. But we know, from his love for Yoojin, from his desperate desire to keep him safe at all costs, that he must've been doing something. Was that something effective? Was it useful to Yoojin's immediate life? Who knows. But he was trying.

#7: Banning Yoojin from dungeons

…Keyword being trying. Because, uh. To be honest, how well do you think any direct attempts at "helping" went over? The very first moment that Yoojin regresses to is when Yoohyun got him out of a meeting with an Awakening broker. And Yoojin himself says that ended so badly that "after listening to Yoohyun-ie’s nagging, I’d become furious and stormed off, shouting that I could take care of myself and to quit bothering me" (chapter 5). So if Yoohyun tries to openly keep Yoojin out of danger, then Yoojin is going to have a screaming fit of anger at his life being controlled by someone who apparently isn't even interested in being in it.

And that's before Yoojin Awakened. Once he had an actual, legal, government-assigned license saying he could go into dungeons? Yoohyun had zero standing. Zero chance he was ever going to be able to stop him from going into dungeons, short of breaking down and crying and begging for him to not do it, which (to successfully convince Yoojin he wasn't just putting on a show or trying to guilt trip him) would also require Yoohyun to admit he still cared about Yoojin and reveal his 3- uh, 4- I mean, 5- 6(!!)-Year Master Plan To Keeping Hyung Safe Forever And Ever.

Yeah. Never gonna happen.

And even that one (1) attempt at keeping Yoojin away from dungeons and Hunters and everything related could've gone really badly, because as Yoohyun himself admits in their chapter 6 conversation, his enemies will "already have started keeping an eye on you [Yoojin]". Just from one single show of apparent concern for Yoojin's wellbeing! Can you imagine what would've happened if Yoohyun kept stopping Yoojin every time he tried to go into a dungeon? Setting Yoojin's own frustration and anger aside, can you picture the kind of attention that would've gotten Yoojin? No, this was one battle Yoohyun had to lose in order to win the overall war.

Anon, you mention providing "new options for Yoojin to stop going to dungeons". Okay, sure, we're starting with Yoojin being society's black sheep and probably rejected out of hand from most positions he applies to, and Yoohyun's only leverage in society being in dungeon- and Hunter-related fields. What options would he have provided for Yoojin? A dungeon- or Hunter-related job, probably at Haeyeon or one of its affiliates? That's precisely what we're trying to avoid, and also visible enough that Yoohyun might as well not have even fucking bothered with the 6-Year Master Plan etc. etc. Okay, so then something at one of Haeyeon's sponsors-? Except Haeyeon famously doesn't have backers, and any connections they have through business deals will be glaringly obvious to Yoohyun's rivals if leveraged. Oh, Han Yoojin, the man who no one wants to hire, got a job at a company whose products Han Yoohyun sponsored just a while ago! Absolutely no one is wondering how this could've happened. Also, funny how Han Yoohyun's helping Han Yoojin find work, it's almost like he cares about him… (And so the end begins.)

Remember, all of Yoohyun's efforts at separating himself from Yoojin require actually being separate from Yoojin and the choices he makes. Yoojin's life is—unfortunately enough for Yoohyun—his own to live… and his own to ruin.

#8: The transcendent threat

And all of that—every single one of these environmental factors that make it so Yoohyun has a billion and one concerns to consider before he can so much as talk to Yoojin—all of that comes before we take into account one more fact:

God Hates Caregivers Personally.

Or, in a non-joking manner, and in the fashion Yoohyun might have learned about it from Diarma, as is strongly suggested in the virtual reality dungeon arc during chapter 246:

There are beings out there, outside your world, stronger than anything you know, and this is acknowledging the fact that you are among the strongest existences humankind will ever produce. These beings rule your entire world, are the children of the very power that created the dungeons terrorizing your planet, are themselves so powerful that they can predict dungeons and manipulate the system in their favor, that they can manipulate the circumstances of individual humans as long as they're inside dungeons. In allying with any one of their number, you make an enemy out of half of the entire population of these transcendental existences. You have already made an enemy of them. And these people, these all-powerful creatures, who you've painted yourself a rival of? These same people have a known track record of killing the loved ones of people like you.

Your brother goes into dungeons every week as part of his job. He's already at immense risk. If you go near him, if you make it seem even slightly like you're interested in him personally, you make him an out-and-out target for these transcendents, and they'll smite him. He dies, and you die, and it's game over.

Option one: You can grow to their level, meet them with equal strength, certainly, but will you get the time to grow that far before they kill your brother? Is his natural lifespan even long enough that he'd survive the time it took for your growth? He dies. You die. Game over.

Option two: Don't pose a threat. It's too late for you to never get on their radar in the first place, but if you can keep from seeming any more dangerous, maybe they won't give him any attention. Secure a favor that will let you help him when he needs it, at most, but otherwise never use your transcendent connections to your own advantage.

Option two, taken to its conclusion: If you die before your brother does—if you die calling in that favor and saving his life—you never have to see him be killed.

(Option two, on the flip side: You will not expect it to be your own ally who set the stage for your loved one to be killed.)

So, basically, every single concern Yoohyun's had about protecting his brother that made him distance himself and not tell him anything so far? All of that is taken and cranked up to difficulty level Maximum. "If I show interest in hyung, one of my rivals or enemies might choose to hurt or kill him!" The transcendents WILL kill him with NO known incentive. Yoohyun might assume it's because he poses a threat to their side, but he can't be absolutely certain that's it. In fact, he doesn't know anything about this opposing transcendent faction, since he was blocked from contacting them by the very fact of having chosen a side in the first place, as Water Droplet explains when discussing the born S-ranks in chapter 106:

“We don’t know for sure either. The filial duty addicts contacted them first, so their information is obscured. We only know that there are five, and about the ones that are in contact with you.”

And while Yoohyun-as-Alpha knows the reasons behind the immoral people killing Caregivers—namely, that they want to remove distractions for S-ranks, so that they focus on combating dungeons and monsters—if Diarma had told Yoohyun about this, and if he'd thought to apply the bare minimum of intelligence to his delivery (a disclaimer that must be made, with this transcendent in particular), I really don't think he would've told him why. No, he would've wanted the immoral people to seem like a dangerous threat, so he would just have said that they might kill Yoohyun's family, without giving him their reasoning.

Which means Yoohyun knew nothing about the immoral people's motives, nothing about their goals, nothing about what they'd see as aggression. Which meant, hypothetically, that any and every action he took could trigger them to smoothly and efficiently eliminate the only person he loved in all the world. It would be so easy, too; Yoojin's entering their turf multiple times a month as part of his daily job, a fact which we've already established Yoohyun couldn't do anything about. The only thing he knew for sure is that they hadn't killed Yoojin so far.

Remember what I said before, about the known path being safer? Because you know the dangers you'll face on it? Yoohyun knows doing what he's doing right now is keeping Yoojin alive. He can't control a single other thing outside of that. And the danger posed by not doing what he's doing just got shifted to a level he is not prepared on any level to respond to. Before, he might've thought Yoojin was safe at least inside dungeons with his chosen teams; from his perspective, "dungeons with only guild members inside are actually safer than the outside world" (chapter 134), while the outside world was more of a risk because of all of Yoohyun's enemies. But now? There is danger all the time and in every location Yoojin goes, even those outside of this world, on an insane, unrivaled level. He is never, never safe, and any single unexpected action Yoohyun takes puts that at risk. If doing anything at all is dangerous, then it's better to do nothing.

So, yeah, that's the crux of it, isn't it. Yoohyun needs to protect Yoojin every day, every single time. Everything else in the whole world only needs to kill Yoojin once. In such a situation, how would Yoohyun ever dare to risk making either of them vulnerable?

…The end! I hope that this explanation, long as it is, has given you at least some additional insight into Why Yoohyun Did All That, and helped serve as a reminder of just how little we actually know about Yoohyun's perspective of the events pre-regression.

By the way, this entire post is pulling only from information we get up to chapter 272; there’s more information revealed up to chapter 350—actually, even just in the next few chapters after that, up to 275—that sheds more light on Yoohyun’s decision-making process in the pre-regression timeline. Maybe I’ll come back and post a part 2 to this analysis someday using the additional information we get as time goes on, but right now, this much will have to be enough.

In any case—thanks for reading this far. And of course, as promised, here's the poll!